20th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter T

"T is the letter after S, the letter before U, and if you don't like it (expletive) you". I asked him to send me a description and that was what he gave me. Sounds like a smart ass if you ask me, but who am I talk really? I remember giving answers like this in school all the time. I wish I could find out where all my teachers lived, and give them a heart shaped box of Ferraro Rocher chocolates, you know just to say I'M SORRY. I WAS A MISGUIDED CHILD, MISGUIDED BY THE HORRORS OF SKOOL. I really didn't like elementary, and not because of the teachers, but it's because when I was in grade three my brother who was in grade four took my remote control jeep I got for my birthday and jammed nine volt batteries where AA batteries are supposed to go and completely (expletive)'d it up. WASN'T TO HAPPY ABOUT THAT! This started a cascade of horrors for me culminating into the grand event that was graduation.

T is for "Transmutation"

change,
everything you are and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

19th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter S

S, the sexy letter of the alphabet, flaunting her haunting sex appeal as she phantasmagorically strides her way into the dimly lit hall. The piano becomes silent, the men stand at immediate attention as the flaccid conversations come to an abrupt halt. This was the moment they have been waiting for. S has entered the hall, and she will choose to whom she will cleave. She will choose a new mate, a new letter she can proudly start words with or end them, it would be her choice. Her long relationship with H has left her longing for another, to be an addition to her family of vocular power. For now the other letters avoid eye contact, hoping, praying, that they be the one to be chosen. She raises her lace gloved hand, a collective gasp is heard as she points succulently towards the letter T. A new mate has been chosen.

S as far as i'm concerned, in her sexy state of self awareness, stands for none other than "sublime"

Beer at the Airport

Hello all..

I'm having a seat at the airport here in Mon'ree-aaal, catchin’ a bird a day early due to some weather conditions brewing in Quebec, which would, heaven forbid, undoubtedly imprison me here for the weekend if the weather network is even half correct. I have only been here a few days and already looking forward to my fellow red-neck-english-speaking place of glory known as ALLLLberta. Well OK, just Calgary.. cause Edmonton still sucks.
As the insidiously expensive Heineken makes it way from my lips to my brain, I thought I would throw down a few comments of this great and wonderful place we call Quebec.

1. The only similarities between Quebec and Alberta is the currency, only it seems of little value here as they require a shit load more of it for the same item anywhere else in the fricken universe. Check this:

A buck forty eight / l of gas. No shit. I have a receipt to prove it, only it's all in French and they don't use a fricken decimal, it's replaced with a comma so it reads 1,48/l. I asked them, I says.. does this mean I have a choice? A dollar or a 48? I mean that's what a comma means don't it? And why are your gas pumps only au francais? I'm just guessing at the pay-at-the-pump push buttons here, for all I know I paid for everyone's gas, and they just laugh at my anglophonic ass, oh they laugh.. LAUGH IT UP.. Go Ahead, we sold you this gas anyway.

Twelve bucks for a pint of beer. Qu'est que hell? Yea you heard me right. Twelve bucks for a pint of DRAFT beer, and it's almost done. Most expensive beer I've ever bought, save for the beer I had a few years back which cost me fifteen, but that was a frothy golden south African beer served in a glimmering silver sleeve and delivered by a virgin, i would've paid more, way more. THAT was a good beer, this one is heineken out of a dirty tap. I says to her I says.. "that's what a six-pack costs where I come from." She says "pardon moi?" I repeat "THATS WHAT A SIX PACK COSTS WHERE I COME FROM" following the tried and true method of interlinguistic vocular crescendination technique, or a method of translating one's self my simply raising the voice, commonly practiced by americans whilst on vacation.

2. Signage. One word: IT SUCKS. For some reason, and I’m assuming not that long ago, the people of Quebec came up with the fricken idea of re-naming every road, every highway, every gravel road after some great French Canadian leader, completely and totally confusing the hell out of any English speaking Canadian daring to travel the roads without knowledge of francais history. I even had a GPS for the love of everything, but the names are so fricken long they don’t FIT on the SCREEN. And what the hell is a “rang”? I remember candies when I was a kid called rangs.. and the’re all over the signs here.. rang this, rang that.. what the hell, and “hippocyte”? seriously.. It took me over an hour to find the damn airport cause guess what? They recently renamed “Dorval International” to “international Pierre–Elliott–Trudeau (YMQ) et Mirabel (YMX).” I say recently cause HALF THE BLOODY SIGNS SAY ONE THING AND THE OTHER HALF SAY ANOTHER.. Oh I could go on and on.. and on.. and on..

Let’s see… is there a number three? Oh yea of course..

3. Pizza. Please please PLEASE dear francophones.. get the heck out of the pizza business. You have no idea how to make it, no idea at all. The pizza here is like cold wet meat on a soggy napkin, and tastes far worse. What?? No kidding. I was actually looking around for the hidden fricken camera, Hello? I’m on that stupid Just For Laughs Gags? I was afraid to see how much that cost and didn’t even want to look. Stick to your poutiny type cuisine and small expensive foods. Trying to impress a westerner with your pizza is like.. (trying to think of a good metaphor here).. like a French poodle trying to impress a pitbull with his lame-ass bark. (Does that work? I’m in a rush here.) Don’t screw with the pizza.

4. Traffic Signals. Holy crap. Lets see how many fricken signals we can fit in an intersection shall we? Oh then, let’s make some lights square, some triangle, don’t allow right turns on red and then remind them of that with eighteen red lights.. ok I get the point, can’t turn right on a red, THEN.. THEN.. LETS GET RID OF ALL THE LINES ON THE ROAD SO THEY CAN GUESS WHERE TO GO AFTER BEING TOLD THEY CAN GO BY A TRILLION LIGHTS!!! OH!! AND FEEL FREE TO USE YOUR HORNS AS MUCH AS YOU WANT! Cause THAT’S GONNA HELP!

5. Hotel rooms that flood, Delusional Drivers, the list goes on.

VIVE LE SEPARACION!!

Holy.

AS.

Drama at the Alt

So I'm at the Alt Hotel Quebec, laying on my bed watching the movie "I Am Legend" and just about when the movie starts getting good I hear a dripping sound in the bathroom. First I thought it was just a leaky faucet, but when the dripping started to increase in frequency I went to investigate. The source was a ceiling vent dripping water into the toilet. Not knowing much about plumbing, I knew this was wasn't right. With in seconds the dripping increased to a steady stream, then two streams, then a stream coming down from the light. I called the front desk.

"Bonjour?"
"Hello, there is a downpour happening in my bathroom"
"Ah yes, very good, I will have it checked out, Merci"
"Very Good, thank you"

So now I'm just standing there watching this shower happen beside my shower and I'm thinking, this is stupid, I should go check this out. I leave the room and go to the room above me. As I get there the hotel manager is there as well. He knocks on the door, no answer. He uses his cordless phone, no answer. He is very apologetic to me and I tell him it's no problem and ask if there is anything I can do. He says no. He then goes to get a master key, comes back to open the door, the door opens but it is locked with the chain from the inside. He yells through the crack to anyone inside, no one answers. Now it's getting freaky, and I'm thinking someone is dead or near dead. Morbid curiousity getting the better of me I ask if he would like me to kick the door down, (rather in jest), he says no. He then calls the police, who arrive quickly. I was staying out of the way at this point, and really fought the urge to see what was up. I heard them kick the door down in three loud kicks.. (must've been a light weight). The cops are still in there.
I have since been given a new room, but no updates yet. EMT hasn't shown up, I hope that's a good sign. Bed time.
AS

What the..??

Here's something you can't make up:

(news link here)

Kansas woman Pam Babcock had a phobia about leaving her bathroom, so she stayed in there for two years, fusing her butt to the toilet seat so firmly a pry bar was needed to get it off. A PRY BAR.
Her boyfriend would send her food and new clothes and stuff, but she never got out. Donkey boyfriend waited 2 years before he scratched his head and thought that it might be time to call someone to help. 2 years, no calling for help, girlfriend in bathroom with toilet seat fused to ass.

Dear Boyfriend of Ms Toiletseatass,

What were you...?? what the...??? please explain why the....?? why would you... ?? why.. ......
Ah forget it.

AS.

Dawn Wells, "Mary Ann" From Gilligan's Island BUSTED

BUSTED FOR SMOKING POT!! What? Seriously.

Who didn't like Mary Ann? I would take a three hour cruise with her, she seemed so nice and stuff. But OH the HORROR! The 69 year old got caught with marijuana, and now is serving six months probabtion, which isn't really that bad in and of itself, but still.. get your name smeared all over the front page of cnn.com doesn't do much for one's reputation. GIVE ME A BREAK! Somehow, drinking your face off is legal but partaking in a little of the 'erb isn't. Or is it just the american's favourite facination with dissin' celebrities on every chance they can? Even 69 year old celebs like Dawn Wells? Yikes I say.. yikes.

18th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter R

Rough letter "R". How bout that. Interesting story actually how R came to be, R was totally and entirely conceived by the pirates of the south pacific back in the 1500s, here is the story:


Captain Theodius Pencivaleon, known as "Cap T", was a notorious pirate in his day. He was leading his fleet of three majestic tall ships into the Caribbean to set up an intercept attack point for a popular English merchant sailing vessel, "King of the Seas" led by Briton Captain William Fenton. Cap T and his crew were hopelessly greedy, and craving of some juicy plunder, the grog be runnin' low, and they be hopin for a crate o'rum, a crate o'rum they be hopin for indeed.

Captain Fenton was sailing back to England with his cargo holds full to the timbers of South American gold, Aztec artifacts, and gifts from the local inhabitants of the newly discovered world. A nervous eye held to a brass scope swept the horizon to and fro, to and fro, in search of dangers lurking in the form of the evil black Jolly Roger a' furlin'. The sheer weight of the cargo was holding the ship low in the warm waters of the sea, makin er a prime target for any pirate a'plundering.

It wasn't five days into the journey when lo and behold a cry from the crows nest came, sending a cold chill through the blood of Capt Fenton and his crew. Cap T was in sight, and closing in fast.

Be the morn of the 12th day of the 4th month, a valiant fight ensued. Many English man led by the sword, followed their spilled blood into the all-too-well-known locker o' Mr. Davy Jones, timbering their place into pirate lore.

It wasn't longer before Cpt. Fenton had but two options, die or surrender. He made his choice, and requested his 1st officer to bring out the white flag.
"I wish to speak!" Fenton cried from above the crashing and clashing of steel. The fighting stopped and all became silent, save for the creaking and grinding of the two captain's ships joined at the ballast, the seagulls crying overhead, and the moans of the injured celloing through the stagnant salty air.

"Aye!! Speak then! And Be fast! Ye I shall Plund!" shouts back Cap T, followed by cheers.

"We have been defeated. You have taken a lot of my men and we cannot continue to fight."

Another large piratic cheer flooded the area and died down when Cpt Fenton began to speak again, "I have something you might be wanting, something you have always wanted; the name Captain Theodius Pencivaleon in the Annals of Antiquity, and not because of what you have TAKEN but because of what you have GIVEN!"

"Aye??? AND WHAT BE THAT?? I AM A MAN OF THE PLUND!! I 'AVE NOTHIN' TO GIVE!?" replies Capt T with sarcastic intonation, and a hint of reverent curiosity.

"The King of England has asked of me to find a new symbol to be placed in the English alphabet in homage to the new lands found. If you accede my ship and my mates safety, I will bestow the task on thyself for the commissioning of the new symbol. What say ye Captain Theodius? What say ye to that??"

Fenton stood steadfast on the blood soaked deck, starring up at the stoic pirate captain, watching him consider his offer. Knowing his enemy well, he knew his offer would not be refused. A pirate captain's life is plagued by many things, but most of all, he is plagued by his own ego, and refusing an offer which promises a bolster his ego was not an option. Not now, not never.

After minutes, the silence was broken. "Aye!" Cap T shouts. "I ACCEPT YE"

"What be thy new symbol then Theodius? What be thy new symbol you have chosen?" Fenton asks, motioning to his 1st officer to quickly fetch the scribe from below.

Cap T turns to his crew and shouts "AYE! MATES!! WHAT BE YE SYMBOL?"

In a unison response of orchestrated sword raising madness, a large cry came up from the pirates..
"AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!"

The letter "R" came to be, came to be it did, carved into the large sails of Capt Fenton's ship as it sailed sheepishly into harbor on a cold foggy day. A violent reminder of the letter's origin, and a testimony to the ego of a pirate.

"Sir, we are ready to drop anchor, on your command" the first officer informed.

"Right then, ready the anchor, ready the raft, drop the anchor."

"Roger, Captain, Roger that."

----------------------

17th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter Q

Seems letter Q is missing.. Rumor has it, it may show up somewhere else..

Alberta Vote 2008 - Calgary West Candidates

As part of my own due diligence, I thought I would post this on the blog so others may glean information as part of the voting decision. I only included my candidates which may mean nothing to you if you're not part of "Calgary West". Find out your riding by clicking here.

(All names are clickable directly to the candidates information page)

LIB - Beth Gignac







NDP - Chantelle Dubois







PC - Ron Liepert







WRA - Bob Babcock







GRN - James Kohut

16th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter P

P is what is known as a voiceless bilabial plosive when pronounced as it is commonly used in words such as "Prick" or "Picnic". It can also be a voiceless labiodental fricative when used in words such as "Phoney" or "Phobias". Who cares? P doesn't.
P is an alphabet vetern, maintaining it's status as one of the oldest letters in the english language. He's old, and thus a little grumpy. What really got his goat was when some toolbox started calling urine "Pee". Oh the other letters thought this was funnier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, and they would use it where ever they can, grinding P into levels of grumpy no one ever could have expected. P now sits in an old letter home and has obligatory visits every once in awhile by other letters, and has even been known to talk to a few numbers. He participates in secret round table discussions with his friends I, and numbers 3, 1 and 4. He's planning his revenge in that old age. Planning it well. One should always be suspicious when the numbers show up.

In the only alphabet that truly matters on a global scale, P stands for "Pizza"

Some crazy smart chef somewhere in the world, figured out how to combine all the food groups together into one dish and make it taste good. If all you had in your life was Pizza and Guinness Beer, you'd be set. You can live off this, no shit. Pizza and beer. I wonder now if I used "Beer" for the letter "B", i forget, and I'm too lazy to check it out.

15th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter O

Man oh man, 15th letter only? We're not even half way there! Stupid "O". Short of coming up with a back story for the letter "O" here is an interesting fact:

The Egyptian hieroglyph for the letter "O" is an eye. Stupid Egyptians, I mean seriously, makes you wonder what glyph they used for the word "eye", an "I" perhaps? Heres some papyrus, go make an alphabet, or wait.. wait.. didn't the aliens give you something to write on? I guess not seeing as you take the more efficient route of scratching a stone wall with a stick.

"O" is also the last letter of one of my favourite acronyms.. UFO. It stands for OBJECT and it's something I don't get to see. All the OBJECTS I see in the sky are identifyable, and once in my life I want to see something that is UNidentifyable. It doesnt' even need to be flying, it can be sitting in my backyard for all I care, I just need to see a fricken UFO. Maybe someone can dangle an upside down bowl hanging from a fishing rod in front of my window. That would be cool.

In the Alphabet of the Sublime, "O" stands for "Organism"

Everyone likes organisms, I mean, what would life be if you couldn't have organisms? They are good for your health, and are beneficial in more ways than one. Some of the best organisms occur after you eat yogurt or cheese, these organisms help with the digestion of food. Organisms make great gifts as well, but you have to be a little careful of who you give an organism to, some may not appreciate it as much as others, it's best to ask first:

"Hey There!"
"Hey whats up?"
"Would you like me to give you an organism?"
"I'm sorry? Come again?"
"Sure"

Bonus Question: Who is this guy and what is he doing?

Jimmy Kimmel One Ups His Girlfriend

You have to check out this video. It's from the Jimmy Kimmel show, man that guy is crazy!!
Content Warning: Sexual Humour

14th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter N

One year ago, give or take a week, I was laid up on my couch with a lower back outage. I was grumpy, unapproachable and not very communicative. It sucked. I was in my pit of dispair watching some stupid daytime talk show when Tanya came over for a visit and gifted me with a Tim Horton's Large Double Double in a Roll Up The Rim To Win cup. It was the kick off to the most anticipated contest in Canada, and became a kick off to my recovery. Soon after my first roll up cup I thought it would be a great idea to start a blog about the successes and failures of rolling up the rim. But day after day, blogging a seemingly never ending string of losses, it became boring, resulting in a blogger's block which lasted more than a lunar month. I needed a new idea, a new blog. In April 07 I started Sublimation, the blog about anything and everything, and haven't stopped since. Coming up with new ideas, stories and basic bull crap which comprise and compliment the entries of this blog, is really not as easy as it looks. I wanted this blog to be a reflection of who I am, a guide for readers to get to know me better, an invitation to those who wish to trespass into the whirlpools that are my thoughts, and further on into the labyrinth that is my mind. But alas I think I have failed in this mission. Sublimation has been too "safe". I have over 20+ posts in behind this one that have never made it to publication, posts which I lacked the necessary kahonees to press the publish button on. Perhaps this is a good thing, perhaps, it's better to keep people guessing sometimes, perhaps it's the right thing to do, better safe than sorry right? Meh.. Consider this; if you truly want to get to know someone on an authentic level, wouldn't you rather be sorry than safe? Oooo, I like where this is going.. Note to self: Future Blog Idea #243 - Levels of Authenticity, When to Break the Rules

OK, so what the hell.. "N"? Where was I going with that you ask? "N" stands for "Noisotherm"
It's a campaign I will be integrating into my life starting with the Vernal Equinox of 2008, ending with the Vernal Equinox of 2009. It's completely original, never been done before by anyone anywhere at any time. It will be intoxicating. Authenticating. Yea it might fail, might fail bad, that's cause it's not a safe route, it's risky, and the most difficult thing I will have ever done. But if it succeeds? I make Oprah.

Yea yea..

I know. I haven't been updating recently, the letter "N" is just ITCHIN to get out there, but I'm keeping it at bay for a day or two.
Last night I went to go see "No Country For Old Men" in an effort to at least see ONE best picture nominee prior to Oscar Sunday. I'm glad I did. Being a Cohen Brothers fan this one did not dissappoint, but holy cow was it strange. The movie just kind of....ends, which I now believe to be a metaphor to death, a recurring theme throughout the movie is you never know when the end comes, it just happens. Everyone in the theatre was starring at the credits in disbelief.. Fantastic show. Kudos to the Cohens.
The lunar eclipse was pretty cool last night, unobstructed view in a clear night sky, couldn't have been better. It's gonna be a few years before we get another so hope you caught a little of it. I don't know why I like eclipses, or stellar events, perhaps it's because of the MASSIVE objects at play. Reminds us how small we really are. Speaking of which..

I think I should say a little piece about Zeitgeist The Movie.
I watched this movie online a few months ago, and I urge you to as well. You'll need a high speed internet connection and about two hours of time. In a nutshell (Albiet a little bias nutshell) It's an anti government, anti establishment, anti christian propaganda pile of crap. I invest a lot of time into information gleaming, and one of the most important things that I have learned is this: When something starts off by telling you it is THE TRUTH, it's most likely not.
That being said, millions are watching and believing, so much so that you will hear about this very soon if you haven't already (not including this post)
I urge anyone who engages in a conversation with someone, or is challenged by someone with the "truths" proposed in this film, please build up some knowledge by checking out the THIS LINK HERE. It's a site very well organized in the debunking of this film. The Christian / Pagan Copycat Theory is NOT NEW, it is over 100 years old and has been debunked for a very long time by educated scholars.
I'll be back.
;-) AS

Mexicana Update Cinqo

After a week I have come to the realization that there are three distinct phases to an All Inclusive vacation. They are:

Phase One: "I-Can't-Believe-We're-Here" Phase
This is the woohoo drink drink drink phase, the time where you just bathe in the glory that is tropical bliss. You think of how cold it was when you left and now the only ice you see is in your whiskey and coke. You get up and dance with the mariachie band and make best freinds with the bartender. This is the best of the three phases, but alas it only lasts for two days or so. You now move along to phase two.

Phase Two: The "We're Here" Phase.
This is when you settle in a groove, you know where everything is, and you've settled down in the drinking dept due to the trouble you got in the first phase. This is when you go on tours, enjoy the scenery and stay by the pool cause you figured out that the beach looks far better than it feels and the kids dont like being pounded by waves. The mariachie band is still fun but you're not getting out of your chair anymore. This phase lasts about two to three days.

Phase Three: The "I-Can't-Beleive-We're-Still-Here" Phase.
This is the dreaded time near the end where you've decided to give up drinking for the rest of your life, you feel betrayed by the Sun giving you a nice warm welcome only to burn you to an incinerate pork rind and then laugh at you while you wince in pain everytime you move. This is also the time where you want to slam the mariachie trumpet on the ground the next time you hear La CooCorache and say "Does Mexico Only HAVE THREE SONGS!!!??? LEARN SOMETHING NEW ALREADY YOU SOMBREO WEARING AMIGO WANNABEES!!! SHUT UP ALREADY!! FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING SACRED!!" Also, the food is starting to be the same, and you begin to loathe the phase oners around you, or what i like to call the "white parade" due to the untanned skins. Well, i look forward to being home!!
;-)
AS
Sent from my Blackberry, but notice no spelling mistakes. I don't make excuses.

http://blog.sublime.ca

Mexicana Updatio Quatro

Easy peasy day today.. Again, lots of pool time and beach. It was hotter than a flaming coconut today, and the wind was almost non existant. Maddy and Leesie opted for the kids club for the morning and really enjoyed themselves. I opted for the daquari club this morning and really enjoyed myself. Leona has burned herself to a kentucky fried chicken seems someone needs to invent 200spf for that poor woman. I convinced a few folk to meet for a 10oclock swim 2nite, lookin forward to finally breaking a few rules. Tomorrow we go to Xel-ha for the day.. Google it, its cool.
This is from Madison (ver batam)
We found a coral. We are having lots of fun. We have nice paintings in our room, and its really hot out and I have my arm sunburnt. The guy comes in to make our bed and he puts an animal made out of towel, first he made a swan, we broke it, then he made a ballerina, and we took off her head, and then he made a doggie and his eyes and nose were out of tissue paper. We have special bags. We saw parrots and fireflys and lots and lots of lizards. And the airplane we went on was called sunwing. Daddy goes swimming and his belly is white (thanks mad) see you soon.
Shapper and Shapperette..

Sent from my Blackberry, but notice no spelling mistakes. I don't make excuses.

http://blog.sublime.ca

Mexico Updato Tres

Wow what a day, started early with a walk on the beach at 630am, due to the fact that i was asleep the night prior at 830pm, due to the fact that... Well.. I had to recondition my liver. Anyway.. Hot as heck today, took er a little easier and finally the Buddha Belly got a little vitamin D.. Buddha Belly is in caps due to its godlike stature. Did lots of pool time and a little beach time, not alot of tequila time but the rum punched the clock a little into overtime. We are off to the Harelquin restaurant tonight and then off to lala land.. Which is actually a place here, LaLa land is where they grow tequila. Stay tuned for an update tres point cinqo.
Sent from my Blackberry, but notice no spelling mistakes. I don't make excuses.

http://blog.sublime.ca

Mexico update Dos

Thats "two" in spanish
So here I sit at the grand buffet, its raining hard outside at 730pm.. Its more humid than an irish spring in heat. (Does that make sense? If not you'll really find in a state of not giving an iota of a damn right now)
Okay so I found something today.. In mexico all inclusive you get good service.. But tip and the service you get is muy bien.. And thats spanish for holy shit.. So this guys been serving me all night, His name? Jesus. So... Jesus been servin up the schaaper with Mojitos all night, schaapers feelin fine, Jesus comes round with cocorachas, lights me up with tequila el fuego.. Nice!
Today was a pool day.. And i got some time to fly the kite, very nice! I drank no less than 23 drinks today.. Not including tequila. Adios moi amigos.... Adi frickin os..
Sent from my Blackberry, but notice no spelling mistakes. I don't make excuses.

http://blog.sublime.ca

Mexico Update Uno

Ok this is coming out of my blackberry so it will dripping in awesome at so many levels there isnt a word to describe it in spanish. For starters, this place is like a mirage. it is hard to comprehend how truly great this place is. Once only a suspicion, i now know that i am part mexican due to the overwhelming attraction i have to tequila and refried beans. I am one with the tequilagod, we walk together this night, this night we become one.
Girls spent most of the day in the pool, loved it. It is 30 degrees here making it a 60 degree differential from cowtown.. The buffet is so fricken huge.. And next to the buffet? The tequila bar. I had a shot of hot pepper tequila amd holy crap did that burn.. Needed three cervecas por favor to wash that shot of pure satan down.. More in the morrow.. Ciao!!
AS

13th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter M

M is for MEXICO.. Sianora Kianu! See you on the 18th. (I'll do M a little more justice when I get back..)

"Que linda está la mañana en que vengo a saludarte,Venimos todos con gusto y placer a felicitarte,Ya viene amaneciendo, ya la luz del día nos dio,Levántate de mañana, mira que ya amaneció."

12th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter L

Mr. L, or Mr. Latino as he prefers, is the Life of the Party. L is a recent addition to the english alphabet, prefers the spanish speaking part of the world, not just for the sexy flow of the words but for the warmth of the weather. All you women out there that think it would be fun to hang out with a Letter, L is the one, the Latin Lover.
Questions you may hear people ask L: (and for good reason)

¿Cuántos socios ha tenido usted hoy?
and
Su lugar o mina?
and
Usted es agradable y grande cuando se capitalizan!

To which he would reply:

¡Oh mi señora mi señora. Por favor, no vienen a cerrar, es posible quedarse embarazada.

In the sublibet, L stands for "LOST". Now in it's fourth season, an example of combining awesome storytelling with great character development resulting in one of the best TV shows to hit the idiot box since M.A.S.H. I mean, no matter how you slice it, you can't beat the 4077th.

11th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter K

Oh sweet K. I've been low on the creativity biocharts for the last week, so K is gonna be suffering a little bit, not that it matters, K's life is shrouded in top secret anyway, and if she told you about her life she would have to kill you. She's the K in KGB, the K in Kill and the K in Kinky.. damn, I said to much alread......... .. .. ... ... . .

Shreddies

Anyone see the commercial for "Diamond Shreddies"? This is truly marketing genius. Apparently they came out with this campaign in Spring 2007, but I haven't seen it until now, perhaps just new in Canada?



Apparently, the next ad campaign is about how Shreddies are made by Nana's knitting them, and each box will have a picture of the nana who knit the shreddies of that box. Brilliant.

10th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter J

Letter J. J just loves to be J, doesn't complain, doesn't make a fuss. She loves helping other letters with thier problems and just simply loves to love. J is the one people go to when they are feeling down, and she'll juice them right back up into life in no time. J is a very smart eater as well, and friendly to her enviroment by being easy on ink and sporting low impact curves. Due to her pleasant nature and quiet demenor, she was a perfect choice for the right hand home key on the keyboard, the most honorable position, for which she is well proud.

In the Sublime Alphabetorium, J stands for "Jabberwocky"
























Lewis Carroll - Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There - 1872

9th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter I

Yea, it looks like a "J" but it's not. It's "I" and it would kick your ass for calling it a "J". I asked self proclaimed Capitalist "I" to write a little piece about itself and this is what it came back with: (He was a little late, cause he said he was "Bizzy wit Nizzy", whatever that means)

"Schaaper, funny thing you doing a bit on the alphabet. Let me tell you something. I am the best letter in the alphabet, I stand tall. I stand firm. I am the best at working out, and thus I have this rockin slim body, and the womin love me, they love everything about me. I am also one of the only letters that can be used as a single letter, and the reason why I'm better than "A" is cause, when you use me as a single letter word, I'm always CAPITALIZED. So SUCK it "A". Funny story, "E" once tried to make a move to be used as a single letter word, heh, we all laughed our latin asses off, cause the only place he was able to make it work was friggen Old MacDonald Had a Farm, E I E I O!!! Way to go "E" good on ya.. fricken donk, stay out of the single letter word business. Um, the favorite use of me, besides of course single letter words, (which really is the meaning of my existence btw) is probably "In". Long story there, but "N" and I are.. ahem.. so.. how bout those Flames?"

Anyway... In the Sublimative Alphabetative, the letter "I" stands for "Idiot". A words which really does not require any definition, as you would probably be one if you didn't know what it was. BUT it is interesting to know that the official meaning of the word: (from dictionary.com)

A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.
[Middle English, ignorant person, from Old French idiote, from Latin idiōta, from Greek idiōtēs, private person, layman, from idios, own, private.]

The way I have used the word in the past:

"I told Joylaine she looked paunchy when she was pregnant.. I am such an IDIOT"

8th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter H

H is the only letter in the alphabet that doesn't require the use of the vocal cords, tounge or lips. H is the silent letter, it's mute, and was picked on a lot as a young letter in elementary school or Hellementary School as he liked to call it. H dreams of a future where he can be loud and proud, and in some languages is already being used as a voiceless pharyngeal fricative. Look that up wise guys.

In the Sublimative Alphabetium, the letter H stands for "Hookah" cause hookah is awesome. For all who don't know what it is, I urge you to google it. There's something about inhaling the smoke of burned watermelon, mint, and double apple that help excorsize the trapped demons one has accumulated over the week or month. It's a cleansing, a renewal, and a big part of the Sierra Lima. (Which BTW, should be meeting soon)

A little delay on the letter H

I'm at a loss with this one for some reason. I can't think of a word that would suit this letter for Sublimation Alphabetation. Hmmm... hey..wait a second...

Posting Restrictions

Comment posting restrictions have been removed, please be nice.
AS

7th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter G

G is the "Goody Goody" in town, always doing the right thing, a follower of rules and a holder of the treasured Gold temperament. Words which it stands proud to lead are Gracious, Gratitude, and Goodness. G was a little disappointed when it heard that "G Unit" used her for their name, cause G Unit, a gangsta-drug-dealing-gun-toting-hiphop-gaggle of rapper wantabe's, doesn't really stand for anything represented by her whatsoever. I mean seriously, who writes crap like this: "I got birds backstage the serious eye candy I got birds in the hood so im in to birds with mary My writing methods got me more hoes than tice and betha Icy necklace on the tour bus ass naked here straight jump"

That aside, in the only alphabet that truly matters, "G" stands for "Guitar Hero"

You have all heard of the 50 year storm, a storm so great it occurrence is once every 50 years. Well, Guitar Hero is the 50 year video game, dripping in awesomeness and exploding in a massive fireball of awe-inspiring incredulous. To some, it's just a game, but to others it's a path to enlightenment, bordering on the religious.

6th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter F

F, the 6th letter of the alphabet is the trouble maker, the king of crass. He spent his early years in the back of the class having too much fun, throwing food around and creating custom blow darts out of Bic pen casings and needles of compasses, and sticking them into O, due to the fact that O was quite a large target. (In hindsight he feels quite bad about this) He didn't like school, got bored and screwed around way too much so a new word had to be invented, "Failure". Except, he wasn't really a failure of life, people loved him and wanted to be his friend, and he loved life and lived it fully. He was to be known later in life as "Mr. Funny".

In the world of the Sublime, F stands for my favorite day of the week, "Friday"

Friday, the foreplay of the weekend, is where the fun happens. Everyone loves Friday, at least people that work a regular 80 hour week, and to the people that don't, you're missing out. Friday was invented by Mr. Gregorian in 1399 AD, for which he won the Noble Peace Prize for in 1442, the same day Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

This was written on a Tuesday, give me a break, I hate tuesdays more than mondays.

5th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter E

E is Mr. Fricken Popularity, the King of Pop. He is used 130 times out of every 1000 characters typed in the english language, no letter comes close. E is the stud of the alphabet, the Grande Pooba. E demonstrates his popularity with charisma, changing the sound of other letters without having to make a sound himself, Mat to Mate, or Hat to Hate, the list goes on.


In the Alphabet of the Sublime, E stands for one of it's crowing achievements, Einstein's famous Theory of Relativity: "E=mc2"

What is the theory of relativity? In a nutshell, it's about how much energy is held within matter, and what would happen if that energy was released. So take for example a kilogram of water, turning it into pure energy would release 10,000,000,000,000,000 Joules. That's a crazy amount of energy, considering dropping a brick from three feet onto the floor releases one Joule of energy. How did we get to that large number? we used E=mc2:
There is about 111 grams of hydrogen atoms in 1 kilo of water, and the speed of light is 300,000,000 meters per second. So, we go .111 x 300,000,000 x 300,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000,000 Joules. That's the same amount of energy as burning hundreds of thousands of gallons of gasoline! Crazy.. If you could annihilate hydrogen in a car engine using E=mc2, you would only need a teaspoon of water a year to operate it. This, however, just is not feasible due to the fact that atomic annihilation would require the use of anti-matter, and that my friends is where the deal ends. Anti matter can not be contained here on earth... yet.

4th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter D

Letter D is utilitarian and a historian, mostly used in words with it's lifelong friend "E" to denote a past tense. D stays out of trouble, reading books, smoking his pipe, and drinking expensive port.

In the Sublime Alphabet, "D" stands for "Donk"


Donk: Short for "Donkey". A person who makes really bad calls in poker due to his/her lack of experience, inability to calculate odds, or makes calls due to "having a gut feeling".


"Dude called my raise with a 7 2 offsuit and rivered me, what a frickin donk!"

Darren owes Tanya 5 bucks!

Relating to the comments of the post prior.

3rd Letter of the Alphabet, Letter C

The tricky letter "C", underrated by it's peers, mostly due to jealousy, and mostly by it's nemesis the letter "K". One day you see, "C" and "K" fell in love, and were married, happily married for years and years. Then out of the blue,"K" the harlot went and had an affair with "S". Well instead of killing "S" right then and there, which was certainly his right in those days, "C" took the more democratic approach and sued they' asses. He won the use of the "K" sound, and the "S" sound, and stands as the ONLY letter with such an ability. Karrot was then spelled Carrot, Kan't was spelled Can't, and Sirkumsision was spelled Circumcision, and although "C" didn't really like that word much, it was a triple take out, so he would have been dumb to refuse it. Over time, humans began to invent newer words and used "C" much much more. Crazy letter that "C". If you like drama, it's the letter for you. "K" and "S" have since split up due mostly to the fact that "C" placed itself in words with them to create dissention. You can still see evidence of this if you look closely at words like "Sick", "Slick" and "Suck".



And in the Alphabet of the Sublime.. The letter "C" is the proud sponser of the "C and C Music Factory"!



Now hit the dance floor it's gonna make you sweat till you bleed Is that dope enough indeed I paid the price to control the dice.. I'm more precise to the point I'm nice.. Let the music take control of your heart and soul.. Unfold your body is free and behold.. Dance till you can't dance till you can't dance no more....

2nd Letter of the Alphabet, Letter B

As we carry on with the Sublime Alphabet, we get the voluptuous letter "B". "B" with it's fine curvy sex appeal, stands for a great word in the sublime language of the schaaper, that word is non other than.... ..."Bitchin'"



Ahh Bitchin. (Not to be confused with "Bitching" which is synonomous for seemingly endless complaining with the sole purpose of annoying the hell out of anyone caring to listen.) "Bitchin" is just something that is simply two quarts of cool, with a touch of dangerous. For example, when we pulled Jason K behind a Quad on a sled aka table with screws sticking out of it, it was damn cool, but because he tore open his jeans and almost lost his manhood in a fury of supersonic nastiness, it became "Bitchin".



Example:

"Man the way Alex was flying that kite in Kelowna looks like it could have killed him, I am not ashamed to admit that he's kind of a hero to me.."

"Yea, that sure was Bitchin.. wow, we are lucky to still have him around!"

1st Letter of the Alphabet, Letter A

This fine letter kick starts the "Alphabet" series part of my blog. Could there be a better letter to start an alphabet series? Hell no, "A" is used to being first at everything, and doesn't really like things to change. There was once a letter which no longer is in our alphabet, it was cross between an "A" and a "y" I forget how to pronounce it, but it tried to make a play to be the first letter of the alphabet, and "A" wouldn't have any of it, oooooh man was it MAD!! "A" kicked it's unpronouncable ass out and it ended up being part of some third world countries' alphabet. So, it's not a surprise that "A" stands for AWESOME. It's the Chuck Norris of the 'bet.

AWESOME.
One of the highest ranks of greatness, only one position below "Sublime". It's better than "cool", way better than "wickit" and kicks the ass of "fun".

As used in a sentence:
"That clam chowder was pretty good!" "Pretty Good? that chowdah was awesome!"

Two Thousand and Seven

The beginning of a year does two things for me, it makes me reminisce about the previous year, and provokes thoughts of what is to come in the new year. This is a small thought sample of what’s going through the massive head of mine:


Two Thousand Seven


When it was the late 1990s I remember wondering how we were going to say the year when it was in the 2000s. As long as I could remember, we never referred to the year as “nineteen ninety eight” it would always be just “ninety eight”, like “I graduated in 98” or “I lost my virginity in 76, man what a year”. You just can’t do that in 2000s. We are now stuck with adding “two thousand” in front of everything. I miss the 90’s, but I not as much as I’ll miss the 10’s. (See what I mean? It doesn’t work.)


In the honor of the year 2007, I thought I would dedicate a top seven list to one of my favorite things to do.

Top Seven Dinners of 2007


Number Seven: Dinner at the “other” Schaaps. Sept 2007
Well Tanya, you made a top seven list. I remember having a great meal at your house where everything just worked. I mean even the goat cheese salad was kick ass. This is rare coming from a guy who normally doesn’t like salads. Wine was good, company was great. Risotto flowed like lava.


Number Six: New Year’s Eve at the Vintage Steakhouse, Calgary, Dec 31 2007
Incredible dinner, delicious company. Six of us went out for this lavishly expensive dinner for new year’s eve. I just had a remarkable time, and one to remember. Six people made for a perfect size where the conversation was as robust as the mushroom truffle soup, in an ambiance as rich as wine.


Number Five: Dinner at Gallagher’s Steakhouse, New York New York Hotel and Casino in Vegas with Jack M, Chris R and myself, Nov 2007
This one came courtesy of Chris R, and one not to forget for some time. I don’t want to break any rules about what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but man oh man, what a meal. One or two bottles of Camus and 14oz of Rib Eye.. Holy chow, sinfully overwhelming.


Number Four: Dinner at Tojo’s in Vancouver, Feb 2007
Ah Tojo’s. Sushi like you’ve never had it before. Tojo’s is like the Ruth Chris’ of sushi, painfully expensive but excruciatingly good. And, you get Tojo himself, regarded as one the best sushi chefs in the world, quick with a smile and a bow in your direction if he likes you, but even quicker with a Santoku knife hurled end over end at your cranium if you dare put his Tuna Sashimi in Soy sauce. Tojo not like you then. I know. I was warned by our server after she caught me committing this crime. “OOooo.. Tojo not like that, but it OK.. I not tell Tojo”


Number Three: Dinner at Montana’s with the Family, Oct 2007
A few months ago, after Madison’s first report card ever, we went out for dinner to Montana’s, it was Madison’s choice. For some strange reason, this was just a kick ass dinner. I say for some strange reason, due to the fact that the service industry in Calgary sucks so much lately. Well, the planets were aligned, the food was implausibly delectable, the service was faultless, the kids were very well behaved and it was just an exceptionally enjoyable experience with the family.


Number Two: Sushi Dinner at Kamei Royale, Vancouver, April 2007
This dinner was awesome. I was in Vancouver for my birthday and put together a little party. Present were My Mom and Dad, Ed and Lori, Nel and Chuck, Erica, Mom and Dad in law, and myself. The sucky part was Leona wasn’t there. The rice wine was nonstop, and everyone just had a heck of a time eating sushi and laughing. I was proud to see my In-Laws taking a chance on sushi for my birthday! What really brings this dinner to the top of my list was the feeling of fun and connectivity, we all became one of the same spirit that night.. the spirit of Sake.


Number One: Dinner on the Royal Canadian Pacific Train, Sept 2007
Due to the rules of my own blog, I can’t talk about work or work related subjects, but deliberately leaving this dinner out of a top seven list would just not be fair. Dinner on a 1st class train in the Canadian Rockies, need I say more? No, I need not, I shant not, for it was more than a mere dinner, it was a journey.



There are so many other dinners and get-togethers that have been memorable, as I write this I can think of many more than just the ones listed above. Thank you to all of you who have shared time with me in a social engagement such as a dinner. This truly is one of the greatest things we can do together, and it’s intimacy is rarely matched in other activities one can do with friends, well.. excluding Twister maybe, that can get pretty intimate I hear.
I would also like to encourage others out there that are reading this to make up their own blog, make up a top seven list, it forces you to reminisce a little, helps to chisel away a little more of that granite surrounding your soul.

The Spiced Almond Tart

A Christmas Story.

If I was the male version of Oprah, the one thing I would feature on the "Favorite Things" episode would be none other than the Spiced Almond Tart by the Glamorgan Bakery. I mean among other things of course, like Guitar Hero, a bottle of Reserve Perrin Cotes Du Rhone, Oso Negro Coffee, and a tin of Formosa Ali San Green Oolong, but the Spiced Almond Tart would be the grand finale.

The Spiced Almond Tart is quite simply, "Gevulde Speculaas" in a tart shell. Gevulde speculaas is well, dutch, and it translates directly into English as "The Food Of The Gods" Not many foods have this title, this one however does. What this means is, if you're going to heaven you better get used to them. If you're not.. well, I hope you like Whitloff (which translates into "Devils Toilet" or "Tastes like Crap" depending on which region of Holland you come from) If you for whatever reason find yourself eating Whitloff, and think you're going to die, you most likely are. Whitloff has just been approved as the new form of Capital Punishment in the state of Michigan. The only known antidote for Whitloff is.. yeah, the Spiced Almond Tart.

There it is. The Spiced Almond Tart in all it's ambrosial glory, sitting there, trapped behind the squeaky clean sparkling glass of the Glamorgan Bakery display case, waiting to fulfill the meaning to it's existence, but.. it's sad. It's sad because even though it knows of it's divine status among it's case mates, it feels small, dwarfed next to the apple pie sitting so smug beside it. "Why can't it be as big as the apple pie"? it says. "Shuttup.." shout the apple pies.

A few weeks ago I took it upon myself to discuss to the owner of the Bakery, the plight of the Spiced Almond Tart, how it wanted to be big, big like the Apple Pie. He stammered that it was not meant to be! Building a tart the size of an apple pie could have dire consequences! It could rupture the space time continuum forcing the earth to collapse in on itself! Too much of a good thing is one thing, but this would be too much of a perfect thing, and it would not be done. I couldn't help but reluctantly agree.

But on Christmas Day, under the tree, a present, marked only for me. I opened it up and no word of a lie, there inside.. A Spiced Almond Pie! I said You've GOT TO BE JOKING! This thing is HUGE! Not a bad gift for Alex the Scrooge. Glamorgan Bakery, thanks for the fun.. Next up? A giant Cheese Bun!

Thank you Glamorgan Bakery and Staff for making this a Merry Christmas, and for granting the wish of a Spiced Almond Tart, OK and for me too. ;-) YOU GUYS ROCK!

AS

Vancouver, A City Underwater.

Vancouver is not dry, it's a city underwater, and surprisingly it's not because of the rain.
I have been working in Vancouver for the better part of the week, staying at the Pan Pacific, cabbing it to work and walking back. It's not a long walk, about 1/2 hour, but to make it interesting I choose a new route to walk back everyday. Something was brought to my attention and now I can't help but notice it every time. Vancouver has a huge addiction, you'd think everyone lived underwater.
The other night I made arrangements with my parents to have some dinner. It's come to be a custom when I work in Vancouver to have a sushi dinner at least one of the nights I am here with my parents who only live about 15 minutes away from downtown. We chose a favorite place and settled in with some cherry blossom rolls, "delicious" rolls, and salmon sashimi. As we sipped our warm sake, my mom made the comment that as they were walking down Robson St, the only restaurants which were full were Sushi restaurants. Raising an eyebrow, I wanted to learn more. For the next few days I tested this theory out, and cannot believe the contrast in business between Sushi restaurants and Non Sushi restaurants. I felt bad for the Italian restaurant with three people in it, looking out the window at the people standing in the rain waiting for a seat at the Sushi Restaurant next door. It's that bad. I would say without a lie that 75% of all lunch / dinner business in Vancouver is in the form of raw fish. Why is this?
I think it might be because Sushi is one the rare food items that tastes great, and is actually good for you too. There's no deep fry, no grease, no trans fats, no MSG, no McCrap. It's like eating art, and you can walk away from a sushi dinner and feel good. (unless you're with Darren C, holy how, that's a different story. Stay away from all you can eat sushi with Darren C. He eat wike fwee Wiwwy, and he take you down with him.)
I think the sushi phenomena is giving Vancouver a pleasant personality, but as a result I don't think there's much hope for the French or Italian restaurants, unless maybe they start to serve raw sausage or uncooked noodles? Doubt it.

Paying By Debit?

If you are paying by debit, you might be paying more than the merchant. Lots more.
Debit theives are at it again, which isn't new, but the method is bloody scary.
I was once a victim of debit card fraud in the range of three thousand bucks a few years ago. I got it all back without problem, but it made me wary. Someone merchant cloned my debit card and watched me punch my PIN in the machine, and at the time I had a very easy PIN to read. When the bank refunded the cash, it came at a small cost. I needed to change my PIN to five digits instead of four, so I chose a very strategic PIN which uses two hands to enter, nearly impossible to read when watching. I know this cause I have tested it many times. But that doesn't matter anymore. Now, they don't have to watch.
The new scam involves replacing the debit card reader and PIN pad with one of their own. The "new" reader is very easy to replace, just unplug the coily phone cable, put old reader in pocket and replace with identical looking debit card reader and PIN pad. Here's the scary part. The new debit card reader has been modified with a bluetooth wireless transmitter, and is transmitting in real-time, your card number and PIN. Someone in a nearby car can clone your card and have your PIN creating a perfect copy of your bank card. They can then walk up to a bank machine and pull out the maximum daily amount in cash.. all before you have walked out of the store. Even more scary than that, at this current time there is no way to detect this scam. Everyone is walking around with bluetooth cellphones, bluetooth handsfree, etc.. flooding busy malls with bluetooth wireless traffic, bringing the chance of RF scanning techniques to pretty much nothing. Police are asking merchants to place personalized stickers or hard to remove identification markers on the pin pads, record the serial number and check throughout the day.
Good news is, I can go back to my easy PIN, cause apparently, it doesn't matter anymore.

sigh.

AS

How times have changed..

SOS.. "I need you"

This was on post secret this Sunday:

It decodes to "SOS I NEED YOU" :-)

And Karl, that's it. I think it's just a nice message to get. Nothing more nothing less. It's powerful in it's simplicity. This was the "email" of the 1800's. Beautiful.

-... . / - .... . / ..-. .. .-. ... - / - --- / .--. --- ... - / .- / -.-. --- -- -- . -. - / .-- .. - .... / - .... . / .-- --- .-. -.. / -... .-.. --- --. - .- ... - .. -.-. / .- -. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .. -. / .- / -.. .- - . / .-- .. - .... / -.- .- .-. .-.. / -... --- -- .... --- ..-.

AS

Tipping

The other day our family went out for dinner to the local restaurant "Montana's" in Westhills/Signal Hill area. We have been to this restaurant several times before, and the service is hit and miss at best. There are times we get fantastic service, and other times the service sucks big, but the last time it was just abysmal.
I can get into detail about why, but long story short the server we had should not be serving. Horrible. At the end of the dinner I wrote a big fat ZERO where the tip should have been on the credit card receipt. I haven't NOT tipped in a long time, as a matter fact I think the last time I didn't tip was when my mom asked me to pay for a lunch, and when you're eleven years old, you don't have much change in your pocket, so I just didn't have enough money for a tip.
I know that server's wages are calculated with tip in consideration but is this where the problem begins? Or is it just that we tip too much too often forcing the restaurateur to pay his servers less? I'll have some chicken and egg please.
Why do we tip?
We tip because we are supposed to. It's expected of us. 15% - 20% is the expected gratuity on a dinner, and no it's not "double the GST" anymore, that would be considered below the minimum. If you show up with a group at some restaurants "a 20% gratuity will be automatically included in the bill". Really? That tells me something. That tells me that you suck at hosting groups, and as a result of said suckiness you aren't tipped the maximum, so you'll just tip yourself. I'm avoiding these establishments like the bubonic plague.
A few years ago we go for a sushi lunch with a group of six. The service sucked as usual, and we paid as a group and left a small tip. The next time we go with the same group and the lady refused to give us a group bill, she billed us all individually and then said,
"We charge you separate because last time you not tip enough" No kidding? Last time we not tip enough cause you not give service enough. Needless to say, it was the last time we ate there.
Servers expect tips, and we, the unconfrontational mass, just throw money at them, further solidifying the justification to standardize the gratuity structure. I say, enough is enough. I say we redefine the tip. The following is a list of guidelines I will attempt to adhere to throughout the holiday season:

Alex's Tip Guidelines:

1. All tips start at zero. I am going to start making assumptions your boss is paying you for the work you were hired for. If you are working for someone as a server, you should be compensated fairly as a server, and not as 80% of a server. If you are being short changed because you are not receiving a tip, blame your boss.. not me. I'm not being cheap, I'm paying exactly what the menu is asking me to pay for your food, I don't haggle this price, and neither should your boss when it comes to your pay.

2. I'll decide what to tip. Don't tell me what the industry standard is cause guess what, you're not industry standard either. I've been known to tip over 25% if the service is great, but if you are having a bad ass day and decide to take it out on your patrons, guess what, no more tip. And if you hate your job? No tip. Bring me milk instead of cream for my coffee then ask me why I wanted cream and not milk? NO FRIGGEN TIP!

3. Buffet and Pick ups. No tip. If I am serving myself, that kind of makes you a moot point. You will not get a tip for me having to get my own food, and for the love of everything sacred, please don't expect a tip if I am picking up my food from your counter to take home. Pearl Express is a PICK UP ONLY restaurant and yet, when I pick up and pay debit, the debit machine asks me how much I should tip. Hey I know, how about negative 20%? Dumbasses.

4. Service is one thing, food is another. but if either of them suck.. No Tip. If the service is great, but the food sucks, I'm not paying for it. If I tell the server the food sucked and still get charged for it? two words. No tip. Why should we have to pay for food that sucked? This is a no brainer. If you did not like your steak cause it contained too much fat, you should offered a new one or have it removed from the bill. If neither options happen? I will use the gratuity or lack there of to satisfy the differential, aka.. no bloody tip.

We as Calgarians are beginning to accept lower standards in hospitality, and it's all due to the labour shortage forcing the industry to hire bottom-of-the-barrels. All one has to do is go to Vancouver and Lower Mainland area of BC to see the difference, to get a glimpse into the ghost of hospitality past. It's the "Hospitopia" where servers actually like their jobs, try hard to earn the tip, and do a damn good job at it.

I sit over my cold soup, look west, and sigh.

AS.

Changes to my blog

No more anonymous comments. Registered users only ;-) AND all comments will be moderated, so unless approved they just won't show.

Getting a little too confused as to who says what. And YES I know you can create a fake a gmail account and still post anonymously, but at least you have to work for it this time, and I'll most likely punt the comment anyway.

That being said.. Here's a great video:

Went to Starbucks today...

and said cockily,

"I'll have a Super Grande Quadruple Espressinoso Light Blueberries And Cream Half-Soy Full City Roast Nonfat Half-caf Organic Caramel Vanilla Iced Double-Shot Macchiato Black Tea Chai Foamed Shaken Sugar-free Cinnamon Eggnog Dolce Peppermint Gingerbread Pumpkin Spice Latte Thrice Blended Extra Hot With Three Ice Cubes Hold The Whipped Cream, One Sweet'N Low, and One Nutrasweet.. please"

Lady said.. "You wanted a Super Grande Quadruple Espressinoso Light Blueberries And Cream Half-Soy Full City Roast Nonfat Half-caf Organic Caramel Vanilla Iced Double-Shot Macchiato Black Tea Chai Foamed Shaken Sugar-free Cinnamon Eggnog Dolce Peppermint Gingerbread Pumpkin Spice Latte Thrice Blended Extra Hot With Three Ice Cubes Hold The Whipped Cream, One Sweet'N Low, and One Nutrasweet?"

Thinking she was on to me I said

"Yes please"

she said

"why would you want it extra hot and then three ice cubes?"

I said

"the cubes are to cool it down"

she said

"why extra hot then?"

knowing I was beat I tip my head to the coffee master and say,

"I'll have a grande vanilla latte"

she smiles.

Calgary to Banff

How about another time lapse? OK. This one is Calgary to Banff in four minutes, shot on sunday. Kinda speaks for itself. See if you can catch the cop in a speed trap soon after the banff park gates. ;-)

A HUGE Thank you!!!

It's not every day I feel this grateful, so you may not see these posts very often. I have never been more thankful than I am today. A quick little bit of background before I get into why I feel this way.
A while ago I run into an issue with my debit card, seems it was wearing out a little on the magnetic strip. Over time it got so bad that Safeway started to reject the attempts. I knew that I had a credit card backup incase my debit card was unreadable which gave me justification to wait before obtaining a new card. Recently though my personal credit card and my corporate credit card have been showing similar disabilities, I knew the time was close to replace them, and yet I seem to always have chosen the easy road to a familiar little town called Procrastinationton. (If you haven't visited, you should!)
Further adding to my magnetic card stripe problem, other issues were creating my wallet into a timebomb. My drivers license is worn and dirty, my safeway card and my airmiles card were neutered from trying to open locked doors (legally mind you) and my wallet itself was a torn and ripped and ready for replacement.
That being said, I would like to say a HUGE THANK YOU to the very pleasant human being who stole it last night. Please consider the $60 as "thank you" tax.
There seems to have been a little mistake however, Leona did not require a refresh of her purse / wallet and would like it back. If you choose not to give back her purse.. you will be hunted. You have three days.

To and From Work, TIME LAPSE

Who doesn't get excited over those two words.. TIME LAPSE!!
Kind of reminds me of always asking the teacher to play a movie backwards, I always would love watching movies either backwards or fast. Normal Shmormal.
Oh and in case you're wondering what the dude is singing in dutch, it's something about being late for work again, and getting fired as a result. The "Kadang Kadang" is the sound of the train he is riding, but he is frustrated because the train won't go any faster and there is nothing he can do but eat his gouda sandwich and herring on the train before getting to work, and.. getting fired. Sad song, but it's kinda funny to hear this guy singing dutch. I laugh.

Post Secret of the Week:

Vegas Blog

They say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas..
I say, what happens in Vegas gets blogged.

vegas.sublime.ca


Updates will be blogging out in real time so check back often.
I apologize in advance. ;-)

V Day

For fourteen years I've wanted to go
Fourteen years of "maybe"
Stick around here and watch it snow?
Screw that.. I'm going to Vegas Baby!

And from Post Secret..

This is from one of my favorite blogs Post Secret. What's funny about this secret is that IF TRUE, it is only known by the writer, the celebrity, the wealthy young woman, and last but not least.. HIS / HER BOSS. All it takes is for one of them to read this secret.

A Calling

Contristo

It didn’t get light this morning,
Light never came
Dark hung around for a sinister game
At first Dark was losing, but Light took a blow
Dark can be sneaky, as we all know
He cast a shadow, a shadow of rain
And finished Light off with emotional pain
It didn’t get light this morning,
Light never came
Dark is an evil, staking its claim.

AS

A Thanksgiving Limerick

This be da day to say thanx

We gotz all the ching in da banx

Got three of da kids

tryed to sell but no bids

Me thinkin itz time to shoot blanx

Tao of the Week, Last week of Sept 2007

Crrraaazzzzy week. Good news bad news stories for you.

Good news was that I played in a poker tournament this weekend with Dan Ray and Scott E. There were 200 players and I finished in a very respectable 11th place. That bad news? Prizes didn't start till 9th place.

Good news was that I my 5 year old daughter is learning how to dial a phone. Two days ago, she punched in a number then before pressing talk she showed me the number asking "who's it was". The bad news.. the number was six six six. I said, don't dial that number, it's long distance.

Good news was that my kids are good at "pretending" play, the other day they were playing "Tim Horton's". The bad news is that my 5 year old pulled up to the imaginary Tim Hortons in her imaginary car and said not so imaginarily.. "holy crap the line up is long"



TAO OF THE WEEK:

A good game doesn't reveal it's outcome, surprises are the spice of life.