Thursday, January 31, 2008


Anyone see the commercial for "Diamond Shreddies"? This is truly marketing genius. Apparently they came out with this campaign in Spring 2007, but I haven't seen it until now, perhaps just new in Canada?

Apparently, the next ad campaign is about how Shreddies are made by Nana's knitting them, and each box will have a picture of the nana who knit the shreddies of that box. Brilliant.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

10th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter J

Letter J. J just loves to be J, doesn't complain, doesn't make a fuss. She loves helping other letters with thier problems and just simply loves to love. J is the one people go to when they are feeling down, and she'll juice them right back up into life in no time. J is a very smart eater as well, and friendly to her enviroment by being easy on ink and sporting low impact curves. Due to her pleasant nature and quiet demenor, she was a perfect choice for the right hand home key on the keyboard, the most honorable position, for which she is well proud.

In the Sublime Alphabetorium, J stands for "Jabberwocky"

Lewis Carroll - Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There - 1872

Monday, January 28, 2008

9th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter I

Yea, it looks like a "J" but it's not. It's "I" and it would kick your ass for calling it a "J". I asked self proclaimed Capitalist "I" to write a little piece about itself and this is what it came back with: (He was a little late, cause he said he was "Bizzy wit Nizzy", whatever that means)

"Schaaper, funny thing you doing a bit on the alphabet. Let me tell you something. I am the best letter in the alphabet, I stand tall. I stand firm. I am the best at working out, and thus I have this rockin slim body, and the womin love me, they love everything about me. I am also one of the only letters that can be used as a single letter, and the reason why I'm better than "A" is cause, when you use me as a single letter word, I'm always CAPITALIZED. So SUCK it "A". Funny story, "E" once tried to make a move to be used as a single letter word, heh, we all laughed our latin asses off, cause the only place he was able to make it work was friggen Old MacDonald Had a Farm, E I E I O!!! Way to go "E" good on ya.. fricken donk, stay out of the single letter word business. Um, the favorite use of me, besides of course single letter words, (which really is the meaning of my existence btw) is probably "In". Long story there, but "N" and I are.. ahem.. so.. how bout those Flames?"

Anyway... In the Sublimative Alphabetative, the letter "I" stands for "Idiot". A words which really does not require any definition, as you would probably be one if you didn't know what it was. BUT it is interesting to know that the official meaning of the word: (from

A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.
[Middle English, ignorant person, from Old French idiote, from Latin idiōta, from Greek idiōtēs, private person, layman, from idios, own, private.]

The way I have used the word in the past:

"I told Joylaine she looked paunchy when she was pregnant.. I am such an IDIOT"

Friday, January 25, 2008

8th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter H

H is the only letter in the alphabet that doesn't require the use of the vocal cords, tounge or lips. H is the silent letter, it's mute, and was picked on a lot as a young letter in elementary school or Hellementary School as he liked to call it. H dreams of a future where he can be loud and proud, and in some languages is already being used as a voiceless pharyngeal fricative. Look that up wise guys.

In the Sublimative Alphabetium, the letter H stands for "Hookah" cause hookah is awesome. For all who don't know what it is, I urge you to google it. There's something about inhaling the smoke of burned watermelon, mint, and double apple that help excorsize the trapped demons one has accumulated over the week or month. It's a cleansing, a renewal, and a big part of the Sierra Lima. (Which BTW, should be meeting soon)

A little delay on the letter H

I'm at a loss with this one for some reason. I can't think of a word that would suit this letter for Sublimation Alphabetation. Hmmm... hey..wait a second...

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Posting Restrictions

Comment posting restrictions have been removed, please be nice.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

7th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter G

G is the "Goody Goody" in town, always doing the right thing, a follower of rules and a holder of the treasured Gold temperament. Words which it stands proud to lead are Gracious, Gratitude, and Goodness. G was a little disappointed when it heard that "G Unit" used her for their name, cause G Unit, a gangsta-drug-dealing-gun-toting-hiphop-gaggle of rapper wantabe's, doesn't really stand for anything represented by her whatsoever. I mean seriously, who writes crap like this: "I got birds backstage the serious eye candy I got birds in the hood so im in to birds with mary My writing methods got me more hoes than tice and betha Icy necklace on the tour bus ass naked here straight jump"

That aside, in the only alphabet that truly matters, "G" stands for "Guitar Hero"

You have all heard of the 50 year storm, a storm so great it occurrence is once every 50 years. Well, Guitar Hero is the 50 year video game, dripping in awesomeness and exploding in a massive fireball of awe-inspiring incredulous. To some, it's just a game, but to others it's a path to enlightenment, bordering on the religious.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

6th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter F

F, the 6th letter of the alphabet is the trouble maker, the king of crass. He spent his early years in the back of the class having too much fun, throwing food around and creating custom blow darts out of Bic pen casings and needles of compasses, and sticking them into O, due to the fact that O was quite a large target. (In hindsight he feels quite bad about this) He didn't like school, got bored and screwed around way too much so a new word had to be invented, "Failure". Except, he wasn't really a failure of life, people loved him and wanted to be his friend, and he loved life and lived it fully. He was to be known later in life as "Mr. Funny".

In the world of the Sublime, F stands for my favorite day of the week, "Friday"

Friday, the foreplay of the weekend, is where the fun happens. Everyone loves Friday, at least people that work a regular 80 hour week, and to the people that don't, you're missing out. Friday was invented by Mr. Gregorian in 1399 AD, for which he won the Noble Peace Prize for in 1442, the same day Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

This was written on a Tuesday, give me a break, I hate tuesdays more than mondays.

Monday, January 21, 2008

5th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter E

E is Mr. Fricken Popularity, the King of Pop. He is used 130 times out of every 1000 characters typed in the english language, no letter comes close. E is the stud of the alphabet, the Grande Pooba. E demonstrates his popularity with charisma, changing the sound of other letters without having to make a sound himself, Mat to Mate, or Hat to Hate, the list goes on.

In the Alphabet of the Sublime, E stands for one of it's crowing achievements, Einstein's famous Theory of Relativity: "E=mc2"

What is the theory of relativity? In a nutshell, it's about how much energy is held within matter, and what would happen if that energy was released. So take for example a kilogram of water, turning it into pure energy would release 10,000,000,000,000,000 Joules. That's a crazy amount of energy, considering dropping a brick from three feet onto the floor releases one Joule of energy. How did we get to that large number? we used E=mc2:
There is about 111 grams of hydrogen atoms in 1 kilo of water, and the speed of light is 300,000,000 meters per second. So, we go .111 x 300,000,000 x 300,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000,000 Joules. That's the same amount of energy as burning hundreds of thousands of gallons of gasoline! Crazy.. If you could annihilate hydrogen in a car engine using E=mc2, you would only need a teaspoon of water a year to operate it. This, however, just is not feasible due to the fact that atomic annihilation would require the use of anti-matter, and that my friends is where the deal ends. Anti matter can not be contained here on earth... yet.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

4th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter D

Letter D is utilitarian and a historian, mostly used in words with it's lifelong friend "E" to denote a past tense. D stays out of trouble, reading books, smoking his pipe, and drinking expensive port.

In the Sublime Alphabet, "D" stands for "Donk"

Donk: Short for "Donkey". A person who makes really bad calls in poker due to his/her lack of experience, inability to calculate odds, or makes calls due to "having a gut feeling".

"Dude called my raise with a 7 2 offsuit and rivered me, what a frickin donk!"

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Darren owes Tanya 5 bucks!

Relating to the comments of the post prior.

Friday, January 18, 2008

3rd Letter of the Alphabet, Letter C

The tricky letter "C", underrated by it's peers, mostly due to jealousy, and mostly by it's nemesis the letter "K". One day you see, "C" and "K" fell in love, and were married, happily married for years and years. Then out of the blue,"K" the harlot went and had an affair with "S". Well instead of killing "S" right then and there, which was certainly his right in those days, "C" took the more democratic approach and sued they' asses. He won the use of the "K" sound, and the "S" sound, and stands as the ONLY letter with such an ability. Karrot was then spelled Carrot, Kan't was spelled Can't, and Sirkumsision was spelled Circumcision, and although "C" didn't really like that word much, it was a triple take out, so he would have been dumb to refuse it. Over time, humans began to invent newer words and used "C" much much more. Crazy letter that "C". If you like drama, it's the letter for you. "K" and "S" have since split up due mostly to the fact that "C" placed itself in words with them to create dissention. You can still see evidence of this if you look closely at words like "Sick", "Slick" and "Suck".

And in the Alphabet of the Sublime.. The letter "C" is the proud sponser of the "C and C Music Factory"!

Now hit the dance floor it's gonna make you sweat till you bleed Is that dope enough indeed I paid the price to control the dice.. I'm more precise to the point I'm nice.. Let the music take control of your heart and soul.. Unfold your body is free and behold.. Dance till you can't dance till you can't dance no more....

Thursday, January 17, 2008

2nd Letter of the Alphabet, Letter B

As we carry on with the Sublime Alphabet, we get the voluptuous letter "B". "B" with it's fine curvy sex appeal, stands for a great word in the sublime language of the schaaper, that word is non other than.... ..."Bitchin'"

Ahh Bitchin. (Not to be confused with "Bitching" which is synonomous for seemingly endless complaining with the sole purpose of annoying the hell out of anyone caring to listen.) "Bitchin" is just something that is simply two quarts of cool, with a touch of dangerous. For example, when we pulled Jason K behind a Quad on a sled aka table with screws sticking out of it, it was damn cool, but because he tore open his jeans and almost lost his manhood in a fury of supersonic nastiness, it became "Bitchin".


"Man the way Alex was flying that kite in Kelowna looks like it could have killed him, I am not ashamed to admit that he's kind of a hero to me.."

"Yea, that sure was Bitchin.. wow, we are lucky to still have him around!"

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

1st Letter of the Alphabet, Letter A

This fine letter kick starts the "Alphabet" series part of my blog. Could there be a better letter to start an alphabet series? Hell no, "A" is used to being first at everything, and doesn't really like things to change. There was once a letter which no longer is in our alphabet, it was cross between an "A" and a "y" I forget how to pronounce it, but it tried to make a play to be the first letter of the alphabet, and "A" wouldn't have any of it, oooooh man was it MAD!! "A" kicked it's unpronouncable ass out and it ended up being part of some third world countries' alphabet. So, it's not a surprise that "A" stands for AWESOME. It's the Chuck Norris of the 'bet.

One of the highest ranks of greatness, only one position below "Sublime". It's better than "cool", way better than "wickit" and kicks the ass of "fun".

As used in a sentence:
"That clam chowder was pretty good!" "Pretty Good? that chowdah was awesome!"

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Two Thousand and Seven

The beginning of a year does two things for me, it makes me reminisce about the previous year, and provokes thoughts of what is to come in the new year. This is a small thought sample of what’s going through the massive head of mine:

Two Thousand Seven

When it was the late 1990s I remember wondering how we were going to say the year when it was in the 2000s. As long as I could remember, we never referred to the year as “nineteen ninety eight” it would always be just “ninety eight”, like “I graduated in 98” or “I lost my virginity in 76, man what a year”. You just can’t do that in 2000s. We are now stuck with adding “two thousand” in front of everything. I miss the 90’s, but I not as much as I’ll miss the 10’s. (See what I mean? It doesn’t work.)

In the honor of the year 2007, I thought I would dedicate a top seven list to one of my favorite things to do.

Top Seven Dinners of 2007

Number Seven: Dinner at the “other” Schaaps. Sept 2007
Well Tanya, you made a top seven list. I remember having a great meal at your house where everything just worked. I mean even the goat cheese salad was kick ass. This is rare coming from a guy who normally doesn’t like salads. Wine was good, company was great. Risotto flowed like lava.

Number Six: New Year’s Eve at the Vintage Steakhouse, Calgary, Dec 31 2007
Incredible dinner, delicious company. Six of us went out for this lavishly expensive dinner for new year’s eve. I just had a remarkable time, and one to remember. Six people made for a perfect size where the conversation was as robust as the mushroom truffle soup, in an ambiance as rich as wine.

Number Five: Dinner at Gallagher’s Steakhouse, New York New York Hotel and Casino in Vegas with Jack M, Chris R and myself, Nov 2007
This one came courtesy of Chris R, and one not to forget for some time. I don’t want to break any rules about what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but man oh man, what a meal. One or two bottles of Camus and 14oz of Rib Eye.. Holy chow, sinfully overwhelming.

Number Four: Dinner at Tojo’s in Vancouver, Feb 2007
Ah Tojo’s. Sushi like you’ve never had it before. Tojo’s is like the Ruth Chris’ of sushi, painfully expensive but excruciatingly good. And, you get Tojo himself, regarded as one the best sushi chefs in the world, quick with a smile and a bow in your direction if he likes you, but even quicker with a Santoku knife hurled end over end at your cranium if you dare put his Tuna Sashimi in Soy sauce. Tojo not like you then. I know. I was warned by our server after she caught me committing this crime. “OOooo.. Tojo not like that, but it OK.. I not tell Tojo”

Number Three: Dinner at Montana’s with the Family, Oct 2007
A few months ago, after Madison’s first report card ever, we went out for dinner to Montana’s, it was Madison’s choice. For some strange reason, this was just a kick ass dinner. I say for some strange reason, due to the fact that the service industry in Calgary sucks so much lately. Well, the planets were aligned, the food was implausibly delectable, the service was faultless, the kids were very well behaved and it was just an exceptionally enjoyable experience with the family.

Number Two: Sushi Dinner at Kamei Royale, Vancouver, April 2007
This dinner was awesome. I was in Vancouver for my birthday and put together a little party. Present were My Mom and Dad, Ed and Lori, Nel and Chuck, Erica, Mom and Dad in law, and myself. The sucky part was Leona wasn’t there. The rice wine was nonstop, and everyone just had a heck of a time eating sushi and laughing. I was proud to see my In-Laws taking a chance on sushi for my birthday! What really brings this dinner to the top of my list was the feeling of fun and connectivity, we all became one of the same spirit that night.. the spirit of Sake.

Number One: Dinner on the Royal Canadian Pacific Train, Sept 2007
Due to the rules of my own blog, I can’t talk about work or work related subjects, but deliberately leaving this dinner out of a top seven list would just not be fair. Dinner on a 1st class train in the Canadian Rockies, need I say more? No, I need not, I shant not, for it was more than a mere dinner, it was a journey.

There are so many other dinners and get-togethers that have been memorable, as I write this I can think of many more than just the ones listed above. Thank you to all of you who have shared time with me in a social engagement such as a dinner. This truly is one of the greatest things we can do together, and it’s intimacy is rarely matched in other activities one can do with friends, well.. excluding Twister maybe, that can get pretty intimate I hear.
I would also like to encourage others out there that are reading this to make up their own blog, make up a top seven list, it forces you to reminisce a little, helps to chisel away a little more of that granite surrounding your soul.