Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
who would beer me at a yell
She would my thirsty thirst doth quench
and quench it very well
Her teeth would be half missin'
her hair a pretty mess
a trap not meant for kissin'
and a dirty leather dress.
I'd love my wench to bits
To me she would be gold
She know which kind of beer I drank
And damnwell keep it cold
Olga her name doth be
I'd feed her only sweets
I yell at her for two beer
and a snapper for da reetz
Out from under the stairs she'd run
three beers drippin' icy
A steaming bowl up on her head
full of wings, all hot n' spicy
My wench would be all smelly
My wench would always swear
My wench would fart and belch and spit
and I wouldn't even care
All my friends will want one
Jealous as can be
but to own a wench is not for all
well, everyone but me
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I hope 2009 brings you all happiness and understanding.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Let's see.. Today I went to Sunny Noodle, one of the best lunch destinations in downtown Calgary, only I no longer work in the core so it makes it a little difficult to get to, but I will always make the pilgrimage when invited. Thanks for the invite Gord.
Quite a wind blew through Calgary this afternoon, I see chunks of plastic missing from gas station signs and stuff, and I have to think, I mean, so many leaves left the trees today in that blow.. and if you think of the trillions of leaves in this city, where do they all go? You would think we would be knee deep in leaves, but scarcely a few of them on the streets.. maybe they made it all the way to Saskabush.
For the last few weeks, I hated washing my hair cause the stupid shampoo bottle I use has this flip lid that is really really hard to open, like kryptonite hard. I curse and swear at the pain of the near departure of my thumbnail every time I open that piece of crap. Then, a dim light bulb lit up, and a solution came to me like a laser guided bomb.. So.. i'm gonna start just leaving the stupid lid open. (duh?)
Now this is interesting. Ford has this new gadget called "MyKey" which is a special car key a parent gives to their kid which puts a max speed limit of 80km/h and the stereo volume to max of 44%. It will also let out a loud annoying squeal until the seat belt is on. Available soon.. I wonder if future versions will start honking the horn when it detects back seat activities?
Mail goggles by gmail. A feature on gmail which you can enable to prevent you from sending a drunk email. If the feature is enabled on your account it will ask you a bunch of questions which will be very difficult to answer when in a nimptopsical state. Feature is enabled at late hours and on weekends only.
G4 Tech TV is awesome. A show with a contest of who can eat the most peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then the top three move on to the merry go round, then an ambrosia salad contest.. and the one who pukes the least wins.
Oh yea, my Chili is better than Darren's.. My new name for it is Xhili. X for AleX, X for Xtreme. X for Don't screw with the chili master.
Peace. Especially to the cast and crew of "Quarantine"
Monday, October 6, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Update. Van Dick wrote back already.. this is quite interesting as he gave me a number to call him instead of trying to call me.
Here it is..
below is the information of the bank copy and send to the email below.and you can reach me on this number ,any time (number blocked)
Application as next of kin to the holder of account number :# (Blocked). ,I Carl Meyer of (Address Blocked) Seattle, WA 98121 USA humbly apply to this bank this today the 03-10-2008 as next of kin to your deceased customer Late Mr.David meyer ,I humbly apply putting claim over his balance with this bank valued at $18M , Left in account number; # (Blocked)
I also wish my application will be given an urgent attention as I wish this balance be released and Re-transferred into my account which i will provide once the confirm of the the received on this mail .
Accept my apologies for the late application, it was due to some family problems which have just been settled.
Thanks in anticipation of your cooperation.
So basically he wants me to send this pre-made email (signed with my name) to the new email address supposedly belonging to a bank in the Netherlands called SNS Bank. Included in the email is an apology for the "late application" nice touch.
I did some analysis on the email, and found it to be originating in Haarlem NL through an Internet Service Provider called "UPCLive".
I'll try to call him later. (Recorded of course for your listening pleasure)
Update: Yesterday Mr Dick found some time to send me (Carl Meyer) a reply.. here it is:
Dear Carl Meyer
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail with thanks.The last name is meyer and funds is in united states dollars in the bank
My late clients until his death was an oil contractor but unfortunately died inter estate i.e without a will. From my investigation, there is no known relative of my late client.
All I need now is your cooperation to file in your name as the next of kin because in the record there is no known successor to this deposit of ($18 million Dollars) the deceased who died without a will and based on the situation at hand due to time constraint, if this fund is not claimed the government will seize this fund.
All documents relating to this transaction will be given to you as we progress.
I want this done so that I can use a good part of my share for helping the poor and the needy and for charity works. You shall receive 45% of the total funds for your assistance.
However, I must assure you that this transaction is safe and all modalities is in place to ensure that this is done in a legitimate way without a single breach of law. Based on your maximum cooperation, we will finalise this transaction within ten working days.
I shall require your FULL NAME , CONTACT ADDRESS and PHONE NUMBER to enble file for the inheritance and start the process of claim in this regard.
Again I guarantee that all is under control and you have nothing to worry about, Just grant to me your full cooperation and keep this transaction close at heart.
Barr Van Dick
Lets take a look at this in detail:
Dear Carl Meyer (that's me)
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail with thanks.(Your Welcome! So polite) The last name is meyer (No shit?) and funds is in united states dollars in the bank (Answers my two questions from the last mail, not very good english though)
My late clients until his death was an oil contractor but unfortunately died inter estate i.e without a will. From my investigation, there is no known relative of my late client. (Which is funny cause I purposely chose a very common name which when googled, produces over 40,000 hits)
All I need now is your cooperation to file in your name as the next of kin because in the record there is no known successor to this deposit of $18 million Dollars (That is a lot of money, scam directive of "Dazzle") the deceased who died without a will and based on the situation at hand due to time constraint, if this fund is not claimed the government will seize this fund. (Here is the classic scam directive of HURRY HURRY)
All documents relating to this transaction will be given to you as we progress.
I want this done so that I can use a good part of my share for helping the poor and the needy and for charity works. (scam directive: sympathy. Builds trust, awww must be a nice guy!) You shall receive 45% of the total funds for your assistance. (ok so 8 million.. not bad. Besides, a "good part" of the rest is going to the poor and needy)
However, I must assure you that this transaction is safe (Scam directive: Peace of Mind) and all modalities is (Dude has a problem with the word "are") in place to ensure that this is done in a legitimate way without a single breach of law. Based on your maximum cooperation, we will finalise this transaction within ten working days. (That's not bad, all this in 10 days? Better Hurry! Glad it's Safe.. WOW all that money!! Such a nice guy)
I shall require your FULL NAME , CONTACT ADDRESS and PHONE NUMBER to enble file for the inheritance and start the process of claim in this regard. (Yea, I might be able to comply with this)
Again I guarantee that all is under control and you have nothing to worry about, Just grant to me your full cooperation and keep this transaction close at heart. (As in, don't tell anyone? Ok... all those blog readers, please keep this to yourself.)
Barr Van Dick
Here is my reply:
Barr Van Dick,
Thank you for your reply. I am excited about the possible outcome of this transaction as you could probably imagine!
Here is my Information:
(False contact information provided but removed from this post)
I look forward to hearing from you further!
It is quite possible that the scam will end at this point as I chose not to provide real contact information. I did provide a real world address and phone number which is easily google-able and will match with the local I chose (Seattle WA) but if Van DICK decides to make a phone call as his next phase, it will be over. Let's wait and see what happens.
CM. er.. AS.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
verb (used with object)
to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate stupid people who call people during supper time to try and sell something.
Without delay.. Go here: https://www.lnnte-dncl.gc.ca/ and register your number. It’s easy to do and very fast.
Tell them Alex sent you and you’ll get 2% off prime on your next Citibank Credit card already pre-approved in your name and waiting with a gazillion dollar limit which can be used on the cruise you won for being the one millionth website visitor. Of course you’ll have to first stay at one of our fantastic international time share destinations and listen to a presentation by one of our high pressure sales associates, featured in a swim suit on the 13th page of a complimentary Calgary Sun subscription which they will just deliver to your door for you every morning, which you can cancel at any time, however if you don’t cancel you will back charged to 10 years, but don’t worry to much about that cause we will provide you with a credit risk report free for one year which will tell you when things like this can happen. We’ll just need your credit card for age verification, and so we know the address of we can send you a DustGhost 3000 that not only vacuums your carpets but removes the evil spirits from your house.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Ok, let's get started.
This morning, I received a letter on one of my email accounts. Here it is:
I am Van Dick
An attorney at law. A deceased client of mine, that
shares the same last name as yours, died as the result of a heart-related condition on
March 12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all
the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in
Sumatra Indonesia .
I can be reached on (BLOCKED)@aol.com
My late Client has a deposit of Eighteen Million
Dollars ( US$18 Million Dollars) left behind.
Attorney at Law
What? Interesting..!! Someone with the same last name as me died from a heart attack, apparently from due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami of Dec 2004? Wow! there must be some mistake! But.. there's 18 million dollars left behind.. doesn't say what for exactly, but I'm curious... So.. I'd be an idiot not to reply at least to get a little more information, besides he IS a lawyer after all, and actually sounds dutch.
Here's my reply: (Sent Sept 29th 2008 @ 10:30am)
Mr Van Dick,
Thank you for your email!
I would be highly interested to a little more about my relative's intent with the 18 million dollars left behind. Could you answer a few questions for me?
1. What denomination is the Money? is it US funds?
2. What was his name?
I look forward to your reply
Keeping it simple as possible, using a fake name (and matching fake email address). Let's see where this goes... stay tuned. This is happening in real time.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
It's that time again, where we all pretend we know what we want and go to the polls to mark an X to the left of the person to whom we think deserves the position of representing our riding as a Member of Parliament in the House of Commons. The election is on Oct 14th
It MIGHT be a good idea to do just a little bit research on who you are throwing down an "X" for, so I compiled the list of who's who for my riding "Calgary West".
Calgary West has five candidates.
Conservative - Rob Anders
Link to site
Rob Anders obtained a political science degree from the University of Calgary, where he distinguished himself as a strong voice in student politics.
Prior to entering politics, Rob pursued his passion for public policy by working for the National Citizens Coalition, a public interest group dedicated to government accountability. He was also on the Speaker's Bureau of the Calgary Chamber of Commerce.
Rob was first elected to the House of Commons in 1997 by the people of Calgary West, and has been re-elected three times.
As an MP, Rob has served as Critic for Senate and Patronage. He created and chaired the Elected Senate Action Team, a task force aimed at advancing the cause of senate reform in Canada.
Rob has also been a high-profile voice against the repression of 70 million Falun Gong practitioners, and organized a letter campaign directed at China's President on behalf of Canadian Members of Parliament. He has also lent his voice to international human rights causes such as Tibetan freedom, religious freedom and democracy in Vietnam and Taiwanese independence.
Rob is currently chair of the House Committee on Veteran Affairs where he played a critical role in the establishment of a Veteran's Ombudsman.
Liberal - Jennifer Pollock
Link to site
Jennifer Pollock is best known as a former Chair of the Board of Trustees of the Calgary Board of Education. She was elected Trustee for three terms, representing Wards 1 & 2 in Northwest Calgary.
Socially and politically, Calgary West is Jennifer's home. She has raised 4 children in the area, Robert, Stephen, Emily and Richard, all of whom are either at university or still playing Junior hockey. She is 49 years old and a spouse of lawyer Dennis Nerland for over 25 years.
As an active volunteer, Jennifer has a long active volunteer history of being responsive to concerns and knowledgeable of needs in the community. She is someone who will listen and act. In the past, she has taught in Africa with CUSO, officiated at the 1988 Olympics and organized a Reading Roundup for children at the Calgary Stampede. Through the Junior League, she developed school programs for AADAC. With 4 hockey players, she frequently volunteered for team responsibilities and also on the Board of the Trails West Hockey Assoc and Girls Hockey Calgary, Midget Committee. She is a founding director of the Power Play Institute for Hockey Prospects. She sat on School Councils, Home and School, Calgary Parks and Recreation Board and the Alberta School Boards Assoc. Currently she is a member of the Canadian Bar Association, the Association of Women Lawyers and a sustaining member of the Junior League of Calgary.
Jennifer Pollock is a former Chair of the Board of Trustees of the Calgary Board of Education. The Public Board educates 100,000 students in over 230 schools on a budget in excess of $500,000,000. In 1998, Jennifer was elected with a record 24,117 votes.
Jennifer is a lawyer. At age 44, she was accepted to U of C Law School, completing her L.L.B. in 2003. Last year she successfully completed her articles and was called to the Alberta Bar. Her first degree, obtained in 1977, is a B.Sc. in Zoology.
Trained as an interest based negotiator and facilitator for collaborative decision making, Jennifer uses a win-win approach in law and politics.
WHY SHE IS RUNNING FOR CALGARY WEST
Jennifer believes Calgary West deserves an effective leader and responsible spokesperson that will be visible in Calgary and Ottawa. She is frustrated to see the views of Calgarians and western Canadians marginalized by the national parties and the media as a result of the current representative.
Jennifer believes that the Canadian government does have an impact on the reputation, culture, economy, health, education, environment and security of Canada and its citizens. She is running because she is concerned that the nature and quality of life of Canadians is currently at risk. She believes that she has the skills and experience that will be required to work constructively with fellow MPs to address the challenging issues facing the country. She hopes her participation in the democratic process will encourage fellow citizens to get involved.
NDP - Teale Phelps Bondaroff
Link to site
Teale Phelps-Bondaroff, a native Calgarian, is a fourth year student at the University of Calgary, where he is pursuing a degree in political science honours and international relations. He was also the NDP Candidate for Calgary West in 2006 at the age of 19, when he received over 5000 votes, or 8.3% of the vote.
Teale has been active on the University of Calgary Student’s Union as an elected official for the past two years, and is active in student politics. He is president of the University of Calgary Debate Society and the University of Calgary Model United Nations team, and he competes in debate and model United Nations competitions at the local, national and, international level. His interest in world politics has taken him across North America. He was given the honour of representing his city at the Global Young Leaders Conference, in Washington and New York in 2003.He has received numerous scholarships and awards, including the Chancellors Scholarship from the University of Calgary, and the millennium scholarship. Phelps-Bondaroff is dedicated to the environment and sustainability. His academic interest and thesis focus on the political strategy of environmental movements and organisations, and he is active in the local environmental community. Phelps-Bondaroff is trilingual. He earned a French diploma from William Aberhart High School, and has studied Spanish at university and abroad. He is a supporter and promoter of the arts, and has been a presenter at the Calgary Young Writers Conference. He is also an avid cartoonist, sculptor, and plays the flute and piccolo.
Green - Randall Weeks
Link to site
• Born on 06 August 1961 in Edmonton Alberta. Third generation Albertan.
• Grew up in a working class family in Northeast Edmonton.
• Have lived in Calgary since 1987, 10 years in Calgary West.
• Graduated high school with a matriculation diploma in 1979.
• Studied Earth Sciences (petroleum exploration geology) at the Northern Alberta Institute of Technology; graduated with a diploma in Petroleum Technology in 1981.
• Began career working for the Alberta Energy & Utilities Board; initially as a field inspector in Edmonton. Transferred to Calgary in 1987 to work in the EUB head office.
• Left the EUB in 1990 to work in corporate Calgary in various capacities including Auditor, and Marketing Analyst.
• In 1994 became Owner / Operator of a small business specializing in computer training for children. Terminated this enterprise in 1996 and returned to corporate employment.
• Currently working as an Audit Supervisor for a Large Oil and Gas Corporation.
General / Personal:
• Father of 4 children.
• Secular Humanist libertarian yoga enthusiast.
• Voracious researcher, reader and correspondent.
• Well traveled within Canada and internationally.
• Physically and mentally sound, fit and active.
• Direct experience in small business and large corporate environments.
• Vocal & enthusiastic promoter of personal and corporate stewardship of the environment, sustainability, peace and preventative health.
• Conservative, in that I believe in not being wasteful and conserving resources for future generations.
Missing from my bio and resume is mention of my involvement with any charitable organization, special interest group or volunteer work. In the past I have been occupied with family and career concerns. Only now am I prepared to commit myself to giving back to the community and the planet. In the past I have had a mostly materialist focus; over time this has evolved into a concern for matters much larger.
At this time I define my “contribution” not by what I give, but instead by what I do not consume. My personal philosophy is “first, do no harm”. My family and I strive to live a life where we minimize our impact on the environment and utilize the fewest resources. At this time I am deeply dissatisfied with my contribution to the corporate profit mindset and my involvement with the oil industry. I am ready to move on, deepen my commitment do no harm and heighten my efforts to encourage other to do the same.
I don’t see the environmental movement as a “feel good, do good” endeavor; rather I see it as an awakening to the harm we are doing and a commitment to stop.
Independent - Kirk Schmidt
Link to site
Kirk Schmidt has been actively involved in politics for a number of years. For the past two federal elections, he has worked on a non-partisan internet portal called Our Vote, an information resource developed to complement electoral information available through Elections Canada. Our Vote addresses issues concerning the difficulty of obtaining party and policy information, which has been cited as a reason for lack of voter turnout.
Kirk also acted as Campaign Manager and Official Agent for a candidate in the 2004 Alberta Provincial Election. Between elections he takes on the role of armchair political analyst, commentating on bills in the House of Commons as well as political jockeying in Parliament. Kirk's political knowledge comes from his voracious appetite for collecting and reading books on Canadian politics, as well as his observations of everyday political affairs across the country.
Born and raised in the City of Lethbridge, Kirk moved to Calgary shortly after receiving his university degree, along with his wife, Robyn. Currently, he works as an IT Analyst for a major charity, and holds a Bachelor of Mathematics degree from the University of Waterloo.
Kirk also enjoys spending his time as a volunteer. Recently, he has completed computer-related projects for the Calgary Youth Justice Society as well as the SHARP Foundation. In the past he has also worked with community theatre groups, held positions on a number of academic councils and Boards of Directors, and has worked with Chambers of Commerce.