Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Spiced Almond Tart

A Christmas Story.

If I was the male version of Oprah, the one thing I would feature on the "Favorite Things" episode would be none other than the Spiced Almond Tart by the Glamorgan Bakery. I mean among other things of course, like Guitar Hero, a bottle of Reserve Perrin Cotes Du Rhone, Oso Negro Coffee, and a tin of Formosa Ali San Green Oolong, but the Spiced Almond Tart would be the grand finale.

The Spiced Almond Tart is quite simply, "Gevulde Speculaas" in a tart shell. Gevulde speculaas is well, dutch, and it translates directly into English as "The Food Of The Gods" Not many foods have this title, this one however does. What this means is, if you're going to heaven you better get used to them. If you're not.. well, I hope you like Whitloff (which translates into "Devils Toilet" or "Tastes like Crap" depending on which region of Holland you come from) If you for whatever reason find yourself eating Whitloff, and think you're going to die, you most likely are. Whitloff has just been approved as the new form of Capital Punishment in the state of Michigan. The only known antidote for Whitloff is.. yeah, the Spiced Almond Tart.

There it is. The Spiced Almond Tart in all it's ambrosial glory, sitting there, trapped behind the squeaky clean sparkling glass of the Glamorgan Bakery display case, waiting to fulfill the meaning to it's existence, but.. it's sad. It's sad because even though it knows of it's divine status among it's case mates, it feels small, dwarfed next to the apple pie sitting so smug beside it. "Why can't it be as big as the apple pie"? it says. "Shuttup.." shout the apple pies.

A few weeks ago I took it upon myself to discuss to the owner of the Bakery, the plight of the Spiced Almond Tart, how it wanted to be big, big like the Apple Pie. He stammered that it was not meant to be! Building a tart the size of an apple pie could have dire consequences! It could rupture the space time continuum forcing the earth to collapse in on itself! Too much of a good thing is one thing, but this would be too much of a perfect thing, and it would not be done. I couldn't help but reluctantly agree.

But on Christmas Day, under the tree, a present, marked only for me. I opened it up and no word of a lie, there inside.. A Spiced Almond Pie! I said You've GOT TO BE JOKING! This thing is HUGE! Not a bad gift for Alex the Scrooge. Glamorgan Bakery, thanks for the fun.. Next up? A giant Cheese Bun!

Thank you Glamorgan Bakery and Staff for making this a Merry Christmas, and for granting the wish of a Spiced Almond Tart, OK and for me too. ;-) YOU GUYS ROCK!



anonymous said...

Witlof, or as it known here as Belgian Endive...

It isn't any one thing.
It's everything.
"Flavor and versatility" are key words, plus "high nutrition"...high minerals, low sodium and one calorie per leaf!
The tangy, deep, well-rounded flavor is simply unmatched by any other vegetable.
Steamed, stewed, broiled or baked, Belgian Endive ranks with the great wines, truffles, caviar and the best saffron.
Today, more and more Americans are discovering that their first taste of Belgian endive is an unexpected pleasure and tangy sophisticated flavor is a lasting pleasure to return to time and again.
No wonder Witlof is truly a gift to the world....... Alex

Alex said...

Comparing Whitloff to Wine is like comparing Edmonton to Calgary. It's just not fair. ;-)

Tan said...

I too have a story about a giant dutch almond tart (this one was a giant size mocha icing tart made in my honour) - anyways, long story short...we didn't have cutlery so we ate it with our hands and after about half of it, we were sick. But it was I understand the obsession. Good post, A.

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