31in31 - May 4th - "Sneezes"

News of the Day

Sneeze Fetish?

Video of the Day

A panda sneezes and scares the heck outta the momma bear.

31in31 - May 3rd - "Cloverfield"

Well its early saturday morning here in great Vancouver, and I'll be on a plane soon back to Calgary. To all those family members who read this blog and wonder why the heck i didn't call, it's been busy, real busy. I didn't even have a chance to eat any sushi, which (has to be a first). No sushi, damn.

Just finished watching "Cloverfield". Chris W, you and I are watching this one again on the big screen. I might just have to put it in my top 10!! After such horrible reviews I have postponed watching it, but when you're at a hotel, it's midnight and you can't sleep.. there's really no excuse not to, and I was totally surprised! Still buzzin.. intense..

News of the Day

A great day in Cuba.. Cubans are finally allowed to buy computers.. Yes you heard me right. But the bad bad internet is still a big no no. What fun is a PC without the Internet?

Video of the Day

31in31 - May 2nd - "Eat My Hat"

So I'm coming back from a dinner last night, and one thing more constant about Vancouver than fine dining is the ever present homeless people begging for money for one thing or another. I was a little intrigued with this scraggly bearded man who came up to me, you got to hand it to these people for constantly coming up with something new to try to get drug or booze money. I saw him approaching me, and instinctively attempt to subvert his interception. He jinked left, I jinked opposite, he then locked in and I was unable to avoid any longer. This is how the conversation went, keeping in mind I had a few glasses of wine for dinner and was feeling "fine".

He starts, "Mister, Do you have a few bucks for me? I am so hungry I could eat my hat"

I said, "Eat your hat? Man, you have to be pretty hungry" His hat, a baseball type with a rainbow on it, only it didn't look a rainbow anymore it looked like a old piece of bacon, almost edible I thought grimly.

"Yea, I'm pretty damn hungry, got a few bucks?" he responded, obviously wanting to get to the point.

"I'll tell you what I'll do" I said smugly, "I'll give you five bucks, you give me your hat.. that way, you can eat, and you don't have to eat your hat." At the time I thought this was a good idea, but as I write this I'm thinking I should have just gave the better default answer.

"OK Mister, here ya go" he says as he lifts the dirty hat off his head with an even dirtier hand. He stretches it out and hands it to me, jutting it toward me in a dagger like motion. I took a look inside the hat from hell, and knew I had to stay away from it, I was calling his bluff after all.. and now he was calling mine. "Here you go" he says louder. I dug in my pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill, threw it in the hat.

"Keep the hat" I said, and walked away.. The moral of the story is, if someone is actually hungry enough to eat a hat, they be hungry enough to sell it..

Even during my time of enlightenment, I can be such a dumb ass.

Alex.


Stupid News Story of the Day

Thanks to Mr David Suzuki, Vancouver restaurants could stop serving wild salmon.. Click Here


Stupid Video of the Day

How is this real??

31in31 - May 1st - "The Banana Leaf"

In Vancouver again for the next few days, and every time I come here I am amazed at the differences from Calgary. I could mention the climate, the fact that it's almost summer here compared to cowtown, but the one thing that always sets this place apart from others is the good freakin eats.

Last night I went to this small shoebox sized restaurant called "The Banana Leaf" specializing in Malaysian cuisine. It was a recommendation by a coworker of mine who lives in Vancouver, so I sprung on the opportunity to try something that wasn't sushi, and it was no disappointment. I urge you try this place if ever you find yourself in Vancouver and in the mood for some spicy food! Below are some details.

Banana Leaf Vancouver




Daily Blog Features:

Stupid News Story of the Day

A 911 operator falls asleep during a call.. Check it out

Stupid Video if the Day

Everyone has at least one stupid story like this in their life..

A New Challenge

I have a new challenge for myself.. and it's NOT going to be easy.

I am going to try a "31 posts in 31 days" campaign beginning on the 1st of May (Tomorrow)

I have been gettin a little lazy in the posting dept and this should pick up the pace a little.

So, everyday, for 31 days.. a new post. The quality might be suffering a little, but I'll give it a shot. Please be nice and comment on some ideas for me. I'll be really hurting at about the 10 post mark. ;-)

I hear the engine revving..

How My Brain Works Part 1 "The Hair Slaughter"

Most of you who know me, know that I tend to wait a little too long between getting my hair cut, as a matter of fact, I've had more pedicures than haircuts in the last while. (Yea.. you heard me correctly, but that's a whole different topic.) There are two reasons for the procrastinary attitude of this human inevitability. First and foremost, I'm a procrastinator. Second, it scares the shit out of me, and I'm not talking a phobia here, I'm talking a Stephen King level fear.

I remember getting my hair cut professionally for the first time, I was 13. The stylist asked me if my mom cut my hair prior, and I said Yes. She laughed, and I never let my mom cut my hair again. So it began, my defection from the scissors, bowl and white drop sheets of home to the shears and squirt bottles of the professional stylist. I never got a choice of haircut at home, but at the Stylist, I was granted options, a few of which where the "crew cut" look, the "spiked" look and last but not least.. the "feathered" look. I knew I could never go back.

It wasn't until recently that I began to develop a fear for the haircut. As I write this I am made conscious of the fact that this timing may coincide with the start of my Scary Movie Club.

Here's the deal; Every time I go I can't help but think that at any moment, the cutter is going to lose it and plunge the scissors into my cranium, death coming just seconds after seeing the horror unfold in the mirror across from me. (snipped the details, I actually wrote a good horror scene here but decided to cut it out due to content.. but it was good.) This isn't because I'm a horrible patron, not at all. I think everyone has a breaking point, and there's a small chance that the person who is cutting your hair will have her breaking point at that exact moment, and your head just so happens to be conveniently at the optimal position for an abrupt pin-cushioning. It could happen.

Maybe these scenarios are conjured subconsciously by looking at that stupid blue liquid in the glass jar with various combs and other weapons floating about. You know the one, called "Barbicide" for the love of everything.. Barbicide. May as well be called "Homicide" and have blood soaked scissors in them.

Hey U!

Matt:

You're almost two weeks back with your blog.. let's get a freakin move on. I'm starting to feel alone here in cyberspace

Darren:

You need to get your blog up or I'll start posting video of your guitar hero contest crash and burn. Yea that's right.. a threat.

Mark:

Get new pants. Those green pants have got to go my friend... time for something new.

Leona:

I need you to approve 200 / year on the family budget to help upgrade me to a new blog spot. I'm getting close to done with the freebie stuff. Besides, Wordpress has more features.

Tanya:

Thanks for being a loyal reader, but I think it's time for you to start your own gig. GIG IT UP SIS!

20th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter T

"T is the letter after S, the letter before U, and if you don't like it (expletive) you". I asked him to send me a description and that was what he gave me. Sounds like a smart ass if you ask me, but who am I talk really? I remember giving answers like this in school all the time. I wish I could find out where all my teachers lived, and give them a heart shaped box of Ferraro Rocher chocolates, you know just to say I'M SORRY. I WAS A MISGUIDED CHILD, MISGUIDED BY THE HORRORS OF SKOOL. I really didn't like elementary, and not because of the teachers, but it's because when I was in grade three my brother who was in grade four took my remote control jeep I got for my birthday and jammed nine volt batteries where AA batteries are supposed to go and completely (expletive)'d it up. WASN'T TO HAPPY ABOUT THAT! This started a cascade of horrors for me culminating into the grand event that was graduation.

T is for "Transmutation"

change,
everything you are and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

19th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter S

S, the sexy letter of the alphabet, flaunting her haunting sex appeal as she phantasmagorically strides her way into the dimly lit hall. The piano becomes silent, the men stand at immediate attention as the flaccid conversations come to an abrupt halt. This was the moment they have been waiting for. S has entered the hall, and she will choose to whom she will cleave. She will choose a new mate, a new letter she can proudly start words with or end them, it would be her choice. Her long relationship with H has left her longing for another, to be an addition to her family of vocular power. For now the other letters avoid eye contact, hoping, praying, that they be the one to be chosen. She raises her lace gloved hand, a collective gasp is heard as she points succulently towards the letter T. A new mate has been chosen.

S as far as i'm concerned, in her sexy state of self awareness, stands for none other than "sublime"

Beer at the Airport

Hello all..

I'm having a seat at the airport here in Mon'ree-aaal, catchin’ a bird a day early due to some weather conditions brewing in Quebec, which would, heaven forbid, undoubtedly imprison me here for the weekend if the weather network is even half correct. I have only been here a few days and already looking forward to my fellow red-neck-english-speaking place of glory known as ALLLLberta. Well OK, just Calgary.. cause Edmonton still sucks.
As the insidiously expensive Heineken makes it way from my lips to my brain, I thought I would throw down a few comments of this great and wonderful place we call Quebec.

1. The only similarities between Quebec and Alberta is the currency, only it seems of little value here as they require a shit load more of it for the same item anywhere else in the fricken universe. Check this:

A buck forty eight / l of gas. No shit. I have a receipt to prove it, only it's all in French and they don't use a fricken decimal, it's replaced with a comma so it reads 1,48/l. I asked them, I says.. does this mean I have a choice? A dollar or a 48? I mean that's what a comma means don't it? And why are your gas pumps only au francais? I'm just guessing at the pay-at-the-pump push buttons here, for all I know I paid for everyone's gas, and they just laugh at my anglophonic ass, oh they laugh.. LAUGH IT UP.. Go Ahead, we sold you this gas anyway.

Twelve bucks for a pint of beer. Qu'est que hell? Yea you heard me right. Twelve bucks for a pint of DRAFT beer, and it's almost done. Most expensive beer I've ever bought, save for the beer I had a few years back which cost me fifteen, but that was a frothy golden south African beer served in a glimmering silver sleeve and delivered by a virgin, i would've paid more, way more. THAT was a good beer, this one is heineken out of a dirty tap. I says to her I says.. "that's what a six-pack costs where I come from." She says "pardon moi?" I repeat "THATS WHAT A SIX PACK COSTS WHERE I COME FROM" following the tried and true method of interlinguistic vocular crescendination technique, or a method of translating one's self my simply raising the voice, commonly practiced by americans whilst on vacation.

2. Signage. One word: IT SUCKS. For some reason, and I’m assuming not that long ago, the people of Quebec came up with the fricken idea of re-naming every road, every highway, every gravel road after some great French Canadian leader, completely and totally confusing the hell out of any English speaking Canadian daring to travel the roads without knowledge of francais history. I even had a GPS for the love of everything, but the names are so fricken long they don’t FIT on the SCREEN. And what the hell is a “rang”? I remember candies when I was a kid called rangs.. and the’re all over the signs here.. rang this, rang that.. what the hell, and “hippocyte”? seriously.. It took me over an hour to find the damn airport cause guess what? They recently renamed “Dorval International” to “international Pierre–Elliott–Trudeau (YMQ) et Mirabel (YMX).” I say recently cause HALF THE BLOODY SIGNS SAY ONE THING AND THE OTHER HALF SAY ANOTHER.. Oh I could go on and on.. and on.. and on..

Let’s see… is there a number three? Oh yea of course..

3. Pizza. Please please PLEASE dear francophones.. get the heck out of the pizza business. You have no idea how to make it, no idea at all. The pizza here is like cold wet meat on a soggy napkin, and tastes far worse. What?? No kidding. I was actually looking around for the hidden fricken camera, Hello? I’m on that stupid Just For Laughs Gags? I was afraid to see how much that cost and didn’t even want to look. Stick to your poutiny type cuisine and small expensive foods. Trying to impress a westerner with your pizza is like.. (trying to think of a good metaphor here).. like a French poodle trying to impress a pitbull with his lame-ass bark. (Does that work? I’m in a rush here.) Don’t screw with the pizza.

4. Traffic Signals. Holy crap. Lets see how many fricken signals we can fit in an intersection shall we? Oh then, let’s make some lights square, some triangle, don’t allow right turns on red and then remind them of that with eighteen red lights.. ok I get the point, can’t turn right on a red, THEN.. THEN.. LETS GET RID OF ALL THE LINES ON THE ROAD SO THEY CAN GUESS WHERE TO GO AFTER BEING TOLD THEY CAN GO BY A TRILLION LIGHTS!!! OH!! AND FEEL FREE TO USE YOUR HORNS AS MUCH AS YOU WANT! Cause THAT’S GONNA HELP!

5. Hotel rooms that flood, Delusional Drivers, the list goes on.

VIVE LE SEPARACION!!

Holy.

AS.

Drama at the Alt

So I'm at the Alt Hotel Quebec, laying on my bed watching the movie "I Am Legend" and just about when the movie starts getting good I hear a dripping sound in the bathroom. First I thought it was just a leaky faucet, but when the dripping started to increase in frequency I went to investigate. The source was a ceiling vent dripping water into the toilet. Not knowing much about plumbing, I knew this was wasn't right. With in seconds the dripping increased to a steady stream, then two streams, then a stream coming down from the light. I called the front desk.

"Bonjour?"
"Hello, there is a downpour happening in my bathroom"
"Ah yes, very good, I will have it checked out, Merci"
"Very Good, thank you"

So now I'm just standing there watching this shower happen beside my shower and I'm thinking, this is stupid, I should go check this out. I leave the room and go to the room above me. As I get there the hotel manager is there as well. He knocks on the door, no answer. He uses his cordless phone, no answer. He is very apologetic to me and I tell him it's no problem and ask if there is anything I can do. He says no. He then goes to get a master key, comes back to open the door, the door opens but it is locked with the chain from the inside. He yells through the crack to anyone inside, no one answers. Now it's getting freaky, and I'm thinking someone is dead or near dead. Morbid curiousity getting the better of me I ask if he would like me to kick the door down, (rather in jest), he says no. He then calls the police, who arrive quickly. I was staying out of the way at this point, and really fought the urge to see what was up. I heard them kick the door down in three loud kicks.. (must've been a light weight). The cops are still in there.
I have since been given a new room, but no updates yet. EMT hasn't shown up, I hope that's a good sign. Bed time.
AS

What the..??

Here's something you can't make up:

(news link here)

Kansas woman Pam Babcock had a phobia about leaving her bathroom, so she stayed in there for two years, fusing her butt to the toilet seat so firmly a pry bar was needed to get it off. A PRY BAR.
Her boyfriend would send her food and new clothes and stuff, but she never got out. Donkey boyfriend waited 2 years before he scratched his head and thought that it might be time to call someone to help. 2 years, no calling for help, girlfriend in bathroom with toilet seat fused to ass.

Dear Boyfriend of Ms Toiletseatass,

What were you...?? what the...??? please explain why the....?? why would you... ?? why.. ......
Ah forget it.

AS.

Dawn Wells, "Mary Ann" From Gilligan's Island BUSTED

BUSTED FOR SMOKING POT!! What? Seriously.

Who didn't like Mary Ann? I would take a three hour cruise with her, she seemed so nice and stuff. But OH the HORROR! The 69 year old got caught with marijuana, and now is serving six months probabtion, which isn't really that bad in and of itself, but still.. get your name smeared all over the front page of cnn.com doesn't do much for one's reputation. GIVE ME A BREAK! Somehow, drinking your face off is legal but partaking in a little of the 'erb isn't. Or is it just the american's favourite facination with dissin' celebrities on every chance they can? Even 69 year old celebs like Dawn Wells? Yikes I say.. yikes.

18th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter R

Rough letter "R". How bout that. Interesting story actually how R came to be, R was totally and entirely conceived by the pirates of the south pacific back in the 1500s, here is the story:


Captain Theodius Pencivaleon, known as "Cap T", was a notorious pirate in his day. He was leading his fleet of three majestic tall ships into the Caribbean to set up an intercept attack point for a popular English merchant sailing vessel, "King of the Seas" led by Briton Captain William Fenton. Cap T and his crew were hopelessly greedy, and craving of some juicy plunder, the grog be runnin' low, and they be hopin for a crate o'rum, a crate o'rum they be hopin for indeed.

Captain Fenton was sailing back to England with his cargo holds full to the timbers of South American gold, Aztec artifacts, and gifts from the local inhabitants of the newly discovered world. A nervous eye held to a brass scope swept the horizon to and fro, to and fro, in search of dangers lurking in the form of the evil black Jolly Roger a' furlin'. The sheer weight of the cargo was holding the ship low in the warm waters of the sea, makin er a prime target for any pirate a'plundering.

It wasn't five days into the journey when lo and behold a cry from the crows nest came, sending a cold chill through the blood of Capt Fenton and his crew. Cap T was in sight, and closing in fast.

Be the morn of the 12th day of the 4th month, a valiant fight ensued. Many English man led by the sword, followed their spilled blood into the all-too-well-known locker o' Mr. Davy Jones, timbering their place into pirate lore.

It wasn't longer before Cpt. Fenton had but two options, die or surrender. He made his choice, and requested his 1st officer to bring out the white flag.
"I wish to speak!" Fenton cried from above the crashing and clashing of steel. The fighting stopped and all became silent, save for the creaking and grinding of the two captain's ships joined at the ballast, the seagulls crying overhead, and the moans of the injured celloing through the stagnant salty air.

"Aye!! Speak then! And Be fast! Ye I shall Plund!" shouts back Cap T, followed by cheers.

"We have been defeated. You have taken a lot of my men and we cannot continue to fight."

Another large piratic cheer flooded the area and died down when Cpt Fenton began to speak again, "I have something you might be wanting, something you have always wanted; the name Captain Theodius Pencivaleon in the Annals of Antiquity, and not because of what you have TAKEN but because of what you have GIVEN!"

"Aye??? AND WHAT BE THAT?? I AM A MAN OF THE PLUND!! I 'AVE NOTHIN' TO GIVE!?" replies Capt T with sarcastic intonation, and a hint of reverent curiosity.

"The King of England has asked of me to find a new symbol to be placed in the English alphabet in homage to the new lands found. If you accede my ship and my mates safety, I will bestow the task on thyself for the commissioning of the new symbol. What say ye Captain Theodius? What say ye to that??"

Fenton stood steadfast on the blood soaked deck, starring up at the stoic pirate captain, watching him consider his offer. Knowing his enemy well, he knew his offer would not be refused. A pirate captain's life is plagued by many things, but most of all, he is plagued by his own ego, and refusing an offer which promises a bolster his ego was not an option. Not now, not never.

After minutes, the silence was broken. "Aye!" Cap T shouts. "I ACCEPT YE"

"What be thy new symbol then Theodius? What be thy new symbol you have chosen?" Fenton asks, motioning to his 1st officer to quickly fetch the scribe from below.

Cap T turns to his crew and shouts "AYE! MATES!! WHAT BE YE SYMBOL?"

In a unison response of orchestrated sword raising madness, a large cry came up from the pirates..
"AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!"

The letter "R" came to be, came to be it did, carved into the large sails of Capt Fenton's ship as it sailed sheepishly into harbor on a cold foggy day. A violent reminder of the letter's origin, and a testimony to the ego of a pirate.

"Sir, we are ready to drop anchor, on your command" the first officer informed.

"Right then, ready the anchor, ready the raft, drop the anchor."

"Roger, Captain, Roger that."

----------------------

17th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter Q

Seems letter Q is missing.. Rumor has it, it may show up somewhere else..

Alberta Vote 2008 - Calgary West Candidates

As part of my own due diligence, I thought I would post this on the blog so others may glean information as part of the voting decision. I only included my candidates which may mean nothing to you if you're not part of "Calgary West". Find out your riding by clicking here.

(All names are clickable directly to the candidates information page)

LIB - Beth Gignac







NDP - Chantelle Dubois







PC - Ron Liepert







WRA - Bob Babcock







GRN - James Kohut

16th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter P

P is what is known as a voiceless bilabial plosive when pronounced as it is commonly used in words such as "Prick" or "Picnic". It can also be a voiceless labiodental fricative when used in words such as "Phoney" or "Phobias". Who cares? P doesn't.
P is an alphabet vetern, maintaining it's status as one of the oldest letters in the english language. He's old, and thus a little grumpy. What really got his goat was when some toolbox started calling urine "Pee". Oh the other letters thought this was funnier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, and they would use it where ever they can, grinding P into levels of grumpy no one ever could have expected. P now sits in an old letter home and has obligatory visits every once in awhile by other letters, and has even been known to talk to a few numbers. He participates in secret round table discussions with his friends I, and numbers 3, 1 and 4. He's planning his revenge in that old age. Planning it well. One should always be suspicious when the numbers show up.

In the only alphabet that truly matters on a global scale, P stands for "Pizza"

Some crazy smart chef somewhere in the world, figured out how to combine all the food groups together into one dish and make it taste good. If all you had in your life was Pizza and Guinness Beer, you'd be set. You can live off this, no shit. Pizza and beer. I wonder now if I used "Beer" for the letter "B", i forget, and I'm too lazy to check it out.

15th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter O

Man oh man, 15th letter only? We're not even half way there! Stupid "O". Short of coming up with a back story for the letter "O" here is an interesting fact:

The Egyptian hieroglyph for the letter "O" is an eye. Stupid Egyptians, I mean seriously, makes you wonder what glyph they used for the word "eye", an "I" perhaps? Heres some papyrus, go make an alphabet, or wait.. wait.. didn't the aliens give you something to write on? I guess not seeing as you take the more efficient route of scratching a stone wall with a stick.

"O" is also the last letter of one of my favourite acronyms.. UFO. It stands for OBJECT and it's something I don't get to see. All the OBJECTS I see in the sky are identifyable, and once in my life I want to see something that is UNidentifyable. It doesnt' even need to be flying, it can be sitting in my backyard for all I care, I just need to see a fricken UFO. Maybe someone can dangle an upside down bowl hanging from a fishing rod in front of my window. That would be cool.

In the Alphabet of the Sublime, "O" stands for "Organism"

Everyone likes organisms, I mean, what would life be if you couldn't have organisms? They are good for your health, and are beneficial in more ways than one. Some of the best organisms occur after you eat yogurt or cheese, these organisms help with the digestion of food. Organisms make great gifts as well, but you have to be a little careful of who you give an organism to, some may not appreciate it as much as others, it's best to ask first:

"Hey There!"
"Hey whats up?"
"Would you like me to give you an organism?"
"I'm sorry? Come again?"
"Sure"

Bonus Question: Who is this guy and what is he doing?

Jimmy Kimmel One Ups His Girlfriend

You have to check out this video. It's from the Jimmy Kimmel show, man that guy is crazy!!
Content Warning: Sexual Humour

14th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter N

One year ago, give or take a week, I was laid up on my couch with a lower back outage. I was grumpy, unapproachable and not very communicative. It sucked. I was in my pit of dispair watching some stupid daytime talk show when Tanya came over for a visit and gifted me with a Tim Horton's Large Double Double in a Roll Up The Rim To Win cup. It was the kick off to the most anticipated contest in Canada, and became a kick off to my recovery. Soon after my first roll up cup I thought it would be a great idea to start a blog about the successes and failures of rolling up the rim. But day after day, blogging a seemingly never ending string of losses, it became boring, resulting in a blogger's block which lasted more than a lunar month. I needed a new idea, a new blog. In April 07 I started Sublimation, the blog about anything and everything, and haven't stopped since. Coming up with new ideas, stories and basic bull crap which comprise and compliment the entries of this blog, is really not as easy as it looks. I wanted this blog to be a reflection of who I am, a guide for readers to get to know me better, an invitation to those who wish to trespass into the whirlpools that are my thoughts, and further on into the labyrinth that is my mind. But alas I think I have failed in this mission. Sublimation has been too "safe". I have over 20+ posts in behind this one that have never made it to publication, posts which I lacked the necessary kahonees to press the publish button on. Perhaps this is a good thing, perhaps, it's better to keep people guessing sometimes, perhaps it's the right thing to do, better safe than sorry right? Meh.. Consider this; if you truly want to get to know someone on an authentic level, wouldn't you rather be sorry than safe? Oooo, I like where this is going.. Note to self: Future Blog Idea #243 - Levels of Authenticity, When to Break the Rules

OK, so what the hell.. "N"? Where was I going with that you ask? "N" stands for "Noisotherm"
It's a campaign I will be integrating into my life starting with the Vernal Equinox of 2008, ending with the Vernal Equinox of 2009. It's completely original, never been done before by anyone anywhere at any time. It will be intoxicating. Authenticating. Yea it might fail, might fail bad, that's cause it's not a safe route, it's risky, and the most difficult thing I will have ever done. But if it succeeds? I make Oprah.