How My Brain Works Part 1 "The Hair Slaughter"

Most of you who know me, know that I tend to wait a little too long between getting my hair cut, as a matter of fact, I've had more pedicures than haircuts in the last while. (Yea.. you heard me correctly, but that's a whole different topic.) There are two reasons for the procrastinary attitude of this human inevitability. First and foremost, I'm a procrastinator. Second, it scares the shit out of me, and I'm not talking a phobia here, I'm talking a Stephen King level fear.

I remember getting my hair cut professionally for the first time, I was 13. The stylist asked me if my mom cut my hair prior, and I said Yes. She laughed, and I never let my mom cut my hair again. So it began, my defection from the scissors, bowl and white drop sheets of home to the shears and squirt bottles of the professional stylist. I never got a choice of haircut at home, but at the Stylist, I was granted options, a few of which where the "crew cut" look, the "spiked" look and last but not least.. the "feathered" look. I knew I could never go back.

It wasn't until recently that I began to develop a fear for the haircut. As I write this I am made conscious of the fact that this timing may coincide with the start of my Scary Movie Club.

Here's the deal; Every time I go I can't help but think that at any moment, the cutter is going to lose it and plunge the scissors into my cranium, death coming just seconds after seeing the horror unfold in the mirror across from me. (snipped the details, I actually wrote a good horror scene here but decided to cut it out due to content.. but it was good.) This isn't because I'm a horrible patron, not at all. I think everyone has a breaking point, and there's a small chance that the person who is cutting your hair will have her breaking point at that exact moment, and your head just so happens to be conveniently at the optimal position for an abrupt pin-cushioning. It could happen.

Maybe these scenarios are conjured subconsciously by looking at that stupid blue liquid in the glass jar with various combs and other weapons floating about. You know the one, called "Barbicide" for the love of everything.. Barbicide. May as well be called "Homicide" and have blood soaked scissors in them.