Yo, Loud Truck Guy..

What is it about your anatomy is so under developed that you wish to compensate with your loud ass truck? Could please take your lack of respect attitude, roll it up and shove it up your pipe sideways? Please? And I don't mean your piece of crap exhaust pipe although it be great to see something stuck up there as well, the people that raised you.

You all know this guy. You see him in his big american truck, 24" lift kit, big knobby wheels, light bar, bush bar.. no freaking exhaust, nailing the gas pedal at every opportunity to show off how BIG he is, the louder the better, the more smoke the better, the more annoyed faces around him the better, seemingly being fueled by it. This guy is built to annoy, there is no there better explanation I can think of, and I'm pretty damn logical guy (who drives a civic with stock exhaust)

Mr Loud Truck Guy is also very stereotypical. He (being I have never seen a "she" exhibiting this behaviour) is most likely to be:
1. White
2. Short Shaved Hair (with or without a handkerchief on head)
3. Tattoo of some bad ass subject matter on his back extending from shoulder to shoulder
4. No shirt (or wifebeater with mustard stains)
5. Pants are Mandatory (being as they secure the endowment socks)
6. Facial Hair of some sort
7. No Smile
8. Left Arm resting on open window

I swear to you I found this video after writing the above description

I thought about it, I thought there MUST be an explanation for such behaviour, short of criminal, although I'm sure there is some aspect of criminality to it, so I went a googlin'.. a googlin' I went. (For all you who think I'm smart.. here's my secret, I'm an idiot that just knows how to google.)

First a little science on "Modified Mufflers" (taken from here)

Most of the vehicles on the road use combustion engines. Fuel explodes in cylinders 1000 times/min (for 4-stroke, 2-cylinder engines at 1,000 rpm) creating sound with 16.7 Hz fundamental frequency and many harmonics. Without an engine block/enclosure and muffler these explosions will be very noisy (194 dB at close distance) and deadly. No wonder that vehicles with modified mufflers or straight pipes can produce sound levels which are deafening (up to 120 dB at 15.2 m distance) and are up to 40 dB louder than vehicles equipped with stock mufflers, which meet Canadian Standards (about 80 dB at 15.2 m distance - Transport Canada Regulations, Standard # 1106) To illustrate this: a modified vehicle which produces a 10 dB louder sound is as loud as 10 standard vehicles , 20 dB louder => 100 vehicles, 30 dB louder => 1000 vehicles, 40 dB louder => 10,000 vehicles. As can be seen from this example these vehicles can significantly increase the noise levels in the city.

Lets try and find a few psychological reasons for this behaviour. Yes, lets.

For Attention. (National Youth Network) 

"It has been found in a number of youth and those older, a certain need for attention is necessary in order for them to feel loved, this born from a lack for love and attention in the earlier years of life from the parents, siblings and/or guardians. Unfortunately, this attention seeking will usually manifest itself in misbehaviors ranging from misdemeanors to crimes of a more serious nature. If this lack of attention is combined with a small penis, cheap beer and a wifebeater, the result is a unabated desire to remove the shirt from your back, the muffler from your truck, the logic from logical, and for the love of everything sacred.. remove the respect for your fellow man. The result is none other than Loud Truck Guy."

My Pledge:

I will find out where you live LTG, and when I do I will figure out some way (and I will too.. I'll figure it out, most likely by going a googlin') to pound your house with the sound of 10,000 ravens/crows/magpies at oh.. I dunno.. around 4:30 in the morning. (ok I just googled 10,000 crows.. this came up) Then you'll come a runnin, you'll come a runnin' out of your mobile home with the look of murder upon your unattentioned ass, but you'll be good and drunk at about this time of the morning, and won't get past your plastic fence. 

Need I say more? Need I? I think not. Loud Truck Guy, at a small town near you.  

Please comment if you are willing to help me out with the pledge. 

Yours so very truly.

AS