16th Letter of the Alphabet, Letter P

P is what is known as a voiceless bilabial plosive when pronounced as it is commonly used in words such as "Prick" or "Picnic". It can also be a voiceless labiodental fricative when used in words such as "Phoney" or "Phobias". Who cares? P doesn't.
P is an alphabet vetern, maintaining it's status as one of the oldest letters in the english language. He's old, and thus a little grumpy. What really got his goat was when some toolbox started calling urine "Pee". Oh the other letters thought this was funnier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, and they would use it where ever they can, grinding P into levels of grumpy no one ever could have expected. P now sits in an old letter home and has obligatory visits every once in awhile by other letters, and has even been known to talk to a few numbers. He participates in secret round table discussions with his friends I, and numbers 3, 1 and 4. He's planning his revenge in that old age. Planning it well. One should always be suspicious when the numbers show up.

In the only alphabet that truly matters on a global scale, P stands for "Pizza"

Some crazy smart chef somewhere in the world, figured out how to combine all the food groups together into one dish and make it taste good. If all you had in your life was Pizza and Guinness Beer, you'd be set. You can live off this, no shit. Pizza and beer. I wonder now if I used "Beer" for the letter "B", i forget, and I'm too lazy to check it out.